some photos from the going away party...

so on friday, chris and ac and ataly-nay and i got together for the last time this year for some dinner at the cheesecake factory downtown and a bit of holiday cheer (yay! gift-exchange!). we were planning to do some shopping, but alas, we were far too tired after dinner. but we had a good time trading tales and reminiscing about elementaryschool, as well as laughing hysterically at the latest JT venture ("it's my d*ck in a box!"), and later on going back to my house to open presents. the evening was filled with holiday cheer, and 'twas lovely to see my oldest, nearest, and dearest friends around. sigh. 11 days till i'm gone....

two weeks. egads!!!!!

oh, goodness me... in exactly two weeks, i'll be sitting on a northwest flight, bound for oxford and a whole new way of life for almost five months. i really don't know what to do with information like that. it's sort of unreal, almost dream-like. i get the feeling that it will be one of those things that i won't really understand or be able to conceptualize until, like, the night before. then the terrors and panic attacks will begin. for the moment, it's sort of fun. you know, an excuse to go shopping for pretty sweaters and warm, fuzzy socks, an excuse to stock up on perfume and lotion and body wash, to get my parents to buy me stationery and post-its.... sigh.

today was my last day at work, and, therefore, my last day on the USF campus. i think leaving the office today was the hardest thing i've done in a while. classes are one thing -- there will be classrooms and papers and essays and presentations to give in oxford, and while i won't be sitting in the school of ed or cowell hall or lone mountain, i'll still have a place where i can exercise my brain, where i can debate and think and research. but this... wow. work has become such a part of me. i guess that's just who i am -- every job that i've ever held, i've picked because it melds with who i am. i could never do some sort of idiot job, pushing papers or processing data or making useless copies. that could never be me. i have to do a job that i can feel passionate about; i have to be able to do things that speak to my soul. it's the closest i'll be able to get to my 'species being,' i suppose, if we want to be marxist about it all (hah, if you want the 411 on marx and the species being, just ask. it's sort of poetic), but.... egads. so i guess i'll start at the beginning of my day.

i've been sick since sunday, but ever since i got a hold of that awesome sudafed nasal decongestant tuesday afternoon (thanks to my awesome dad), i feel like i've been on the mend. but yesterday i think i sort of pushed it a little, running around downtown sf and doing my christmas shopping, so i was super worn out when i got home last night. i woke up this morning dragging and super-tired, but it was lovely to get dressed, as i had a brand-new outfit (my pretty black high-waisted velvet skirt with suspenders from the anthropologie in DC, along with my new black turtleneck with the "puffed" sleeves, with my pretty guatamalen purple wrap over it to ward off the winter chill). it wasn't till we were pulling away from the house, though, that my mother informed me that (yikes!) rain was in the forecast. lovely. as i had no umbrella, there went my shopping plans. somewhere along the way, i realized that this was going to be my last commute, and so the object of the day became memorizing as much as possible about the adventure that is my morning ride to work. i shall try and transcribe a bit of what i see, so i can keep it in my memory while i'm gone....

mom dropped me off at the south san francisco bart station, where i always used to hop the train back in freshman year. it's one of the new stations, incidentally across the street from chris's house, and i love it around the morning commute time. everyone stands around in their business best, ipods and newspapers and briefcases in hand. this morning it was all about winter attire: scarves and hats and overcoats and umbrellas... i missed the 8:34 train (sad that i know them all by times) but i hopped the 8:39 instead, which was lovely, as there was hardly anyone on it, and so i got a windowseat. didn't have a book to keep me company on this ride, as i left in the office the afternoon before (the mists of avalon by marion zimmer bradley is the current re-read. it's a cumbersome sucker, almost 1000 pages long, and i figured i'd better not drag it along with me on my christmas shopping expedition), so i contented myself with memorizing the landscape instead. so much to think of... the trees and such visible around the colma station... the century theaters, restaurants, highway 280, in-n-out, golf course country club, and buildings and homes and businesses from the daly city station.... and then through tunnels to balboa park, and i can see the highway once again, and the exit for my grandmother's house... and then back through the tunnels again, where we stay for the duration of the trip. it was raining this morning and i didn't want to run the streets in the rain without a coat or an umbrella, so i got off at powell street station. it was relatively calm at 9:15 in the morning, but the mall was opening and the vibe of last-minute shopping was in the air. coming up from the escalator i could see the same tree that always stands there, but today it was the personification of winter -- a few dead, dry brown leaves clinging to its barren branches. thankfully, i only had to wait a few minutes for the 5 (how i will miss that bus!!!!), and then it was time for that last trek. i love the trip up the 5. we cut through the tenderloin, which always makes me sad, especially when it rains -- it's really hard to look at people who have to live on the streets -- and then past civic center, which always looks amazing and beautiful, and then down mccallister, past all of my favorite victorian houses. then it curves up fulton, and there up ahead is st. ignatius church. i love that place so much. the spires can be seen literally from every point in the city, and it's absolutely breath-taking.

got off the bus around fulton and clayton this time and trekked up in the rain to the university center, which has been my home for the past year. it's so bizarre to be on-campus when everyone is gone. this week, i think, is worse than the summer, because all the students have moved out, the dorms are closed, and even the cafeteria is totally shut down. but i took the elevator up to my office, my tiny little cubby that i've come to know and love, dropped my things, made some tea, surfed the 'net, took care of work.... everyone was around today, and i loved it. all cozy and warm, just like family, just like home. egads. i'm going to miss everyone so much, so if you're reading, you all must send emails. no excuses. far too soon my 6 hours were up and i was back in the car, cutting through golden gate park (the park! the park! how i will miss it... no more de young museum, no more crazy joggers, no more police on horseback, no more stow lake or bison or pretty waterfalls....) to get to 19th, and far too soon i was back home, here, cuddled up with a blanket 'cause it's freezing and my laptop. and now here i am, thinking about this past semester and all that i've learned, and peeking forward to my future. i don't know what's going to happen. i don't know what will become of me (hah. so melodramatic). all i know is that i want to have adventure, to meet the locals, to immerse myself as fully in british culture as possible. i don't want to stay in my comfort zone among the americans. i want to venture out, to truly see the society, to use my handy little sociological imagination and learn as much as i can.

so what's left? tomorrow the good shepherd crowd and i are getting together for some shopping downtown (h&m here we come!) and then late lunch at the cheesecake factory, one of those things that we've always talked about but never done. and we're having our christmas gift exchange, which i'm super excited about, as i've gotten everyone super cute gifts. and then it'll be christmas, and the grandfather is coming, and everything will be all warm and cozy. i've got christmas breakfast all planned: bacon, sausage, my famous scrambled eggs (complete with sauteed mushrooms and tomatoes and spices and cheese), and the crowning glory: gingerbread waffles, courtesy of williams-sonoma. ah, yes, i am excited. and then we'll all head over to the other grandparents' house for the annual gift exchange, and 'twill be lovely. sigh. and along the way i'll see the mercy crew and do my last-minute shopping for warm things, and figure out some way to pack my entire life into two checked bags, 1 carry-on, and 1 personal item. it's sort of like that darren hayes song: "everything i am has been neatly contained into/the contents of a samsonite bag/me, a laptop, 2 suitcases..." that will literally be me. sigh. i am up for the challenge. for the moment, actually, i'm strangely calm about the whole business. bizarre. but the last of my paperwork has been received, my financial aid is finally together, and everyone knows that i'm going. the only thing left is to purchase my travel insurance, which will happen sometime soon. not worried about it. and now.... wow. the fun stuff. packing. buying new things. making lists. wow. 2 weeks. now all i have to do is make the most of them.