killing time.

so it's about one o'clock and i have an audition for the st peter's choir in a half hour. i've lost my key card to get into the college, so i'll have to leave a wee bit early and get a new one. sigh. what can i say? i've been instructed by my mother to banish the word "nervous" from my vocabulary and to fill my head and soul with positive thoughts, and so that is what i have been trying to do since yesterday afternoon. for the most part, it's worked out remarkably well. i really haven't stressed about it at all. though now that it's 26 minutes 'till, i'm starting to think of all the things that could go wrong. but all i keep reminding myself about is how this is something that i love, something that i'm passionate about, something that i need to have in my life. it hasn't been right up till this point: schedules and work and school and classes all got in the way. and now that i've got time on my hands... well, i suppose it's all quite obvious how i feel. i want this. i wonder, too, if i have made far too huge a deal out of it. of course, i don't want to walk in and make a fool of myself. 'twould be sad. but i shall request a bit of a vocal warmup and such... and we'll see where it goes. i'm almost hoping that we can screw bach and just have me sing something else, but again -- we'll see. i just want to be content in the knowledge that i'm actually actively pursuing something that i want, rather than sitting and wondering and thinking and pining. i'm really proud of myself for that, actually. oh, yay! a positive. there's also the fact that the clouds have parted and that the sky is blue and that the sun is shining, even though it still insists upon raining off and on. oh! kenny chesney has just popped up on itunes! ohhhhh.... you know, actually, i think i could use some country music right about now. "young," i think, is the perfect song for my mood right now. wow.... with the blue skies and the sun, this really makes me feel a helluva lot better. so, then. where does this bring me? i'm off to my audition in a few and, for better or for worse, i'm validated in the fact that i'm going for my dreams and doing what i love. after that, i'll probably run to the store and buy some olive oil so i can really start cooking ('cause i had the hall's lasagna for lunch and i totally forgot that i actually don't like it... ick...), and then back here to read a bit of aquinas and review my notes. then it's on to my seminar at 3:30 with bo, who i sat and had a pre-seminar discussion with over lunch (yay! he's fun...). then after that i'll probably do dinner or something. or maybe i'll even make dinner here and work. i've hit 1115 words out of 2000 for my austen paper, so i'm hoping i can finish that up tonight, and then do any edits or whatever on friday before class. and then tomorrow will be devoted entirely to matters of creative writing and fiction, which should be fun. i think a pot of tea and snuggling in bed should be good for that. i might have to shut myself off of the 'net, though -- too distracting. ah, yes. but some classical music and some tea and my teddy bear and my blankets. perfect. somewhere in-between i shall have to also do my laundry, as i am starting to run low on clothes, and i'm trying to be sustainable and not run out to buy new things just 'cause i'm too lazy to do my laundry. and then.... yeah. well then. i shall turn in my membership to the oxford wine society on friday and get all set up for that... lovely! i'm rather happy now; big and rich is playing ("pray for you"... aww...) and i'm off to chase rainbows and pursue my dreams and the like. whoo!