the wanderings and musings of a traveling scholar.

downtime.

2008-12-19T02:11:00.004Z

downtime at last! the quarter is finally finished, and i'm back home for the holidays. the goal is to rest up, visit with family and friends, and let my brain atrophy for a couple of weeks before jumping back into the ring for another quarter of work.

i was more or less horrid about blogging this quarter, so the goal for next quarter (i know, i know, but i REALLY mean it this time) is to really get into a habit of jotting things down. i was going through a few entries from my oxford days, and it was really cool to read up on the research that i was doing back then, so i can only imagine how useful (and entertaining) this blog will be in a couple of years when i'm moving through the grad school process.

first, a retrospective. this quarter was ten weeks of intensity, stress, angst, worry, and discombobulation, with a few brilliant points of success, happiness, excitement, and achievement. it's my hope, really, that the yuckiness of adjusting and learning to fit in and find my niche is more or less over; i'm looking forward to returning in the new year with a renewed sense of self, of purpose and of direction.

this quarter, i think i was successful in a lot of areas. i decided on a broad topic of my MA, which will be a continuation of my undergraduate research on the sociological understanding of the western white wedding. denise bielby, my 1st year advisor, has agreed to serve as my MA committee chair, which is awesome: the first time i met with her, i sat in her office, gave her 10 minutes worth of ramblings on my thoughts on a MA topic, and within 30 seconds she managed to offer me a neat, tidy, and rational summation of exactly what i was trying to tell her. that sort of direction is invaluable to me, and she's already been awesome and agreed to write 3 letters of rec for me. in addition to denise, i asked simonetta, my theory prof, to also serve on my committee. simonetta has a background in both theory and culture, and given my topic, i figured she'd be a good choice as well. that leaves me with a 3rd spot open (unless i decide that i absolutely need a 4th committee member, which i will admit i have been pondering), but i'm not in a huge hurry to fill it. i figure i can be much more leisurely about 'shopping around,' if you will, next quarter.

i also managed to write my first major fellowship proposal this quarter. i've come to realize that i will spend not only the rest of my grad school career, but the rest of my life as an academic, hustling for money, so i suppose i'd better get use to the drill. after much angst and stress (and a whole lot of over-analysis, i think), i managed to pull my application for the ford fellowship together and submit it on time. as hard as it was, i'm really proud of the final product: it is the clearest, most succinct summation of my intended research that i've managed to create. really, the statement of intended research is like a summary of 3 years worth of pondering, thinking, and wondering, and it is utterly thrilling to imagine that next quarter i am going to get to tackle head-on a topic that i've spent so much of my academic career wanting to examine.

some academic successes were a bit more subtle. theory threw me for a loop for the first few weeks, despite having read the "big 3" (marx, durkheim, weber) as an undergraduate. once we got into the final week of durkheim, however, and moved into weber's work on bureaucracy and power (i know, i still can't stop talking about it. i think it's brilliant), stuff really started to come together, and although that final paper caused me a bit of anxiety (note understatement), i still feel like i can walk away with a basic understanding of what they all were about. at the moment i am excited to pursue theory b and get into the intellectual and theoretical legacy that these scholars bequeathed, but i am sure i should be quite careful of what i wish.

somehow, on top of the work and the soul-searching and such, i also managed to TA and look after 70 students. there are some things i'd definitely like to do differently next time around -- tying the coursework into current events and pop culture is a must, along with instituting a way to facilitate better classroom discussion -- but, really, for my first quarter, i'd like to think that i did rather well. it was really exciting, even in the midst of wading through my gigantic stack of midterms, to read through their essay questions and to see that a lot of them were more or less able to synthesize the information, and that a few of them could even go beyond the general level of analysis that i expected, and offer some beautifully written discussions of major social problems of the day. stuff like that just makes me all emotional, and reminds me why i'm throwing myself into this grad school madness and trying to become a professor one of these days.

i've been really lucky this quarter to also find myself with a good group of people, both inside and outside of soc, and beyond the university, which is actually really nice. i need to remind myself from time to time that there is more to life than MA requirements, thesis talk, term papers, and other such silliness.

all in all, a good quarter, and i'm already making plans for the winter. coursewise, i'll be taking theory b, comparative-historical methods, and 2 independent reading courses, 1 with denise that will help me to start navigating the literature for the MA, and the other with fernando to make up for the 1st half of comp-hist that i missed this quarter. this is going to be a heavy-reading and research quarter, but i am SO excited: i'm going to get to spend most of my time doing the stuff that i really love, which is research on a topic i've picked for myself. by the end of the haul, i should have a decent concept of what the MA is going to look like, along with discrete steps of how i will arrive there.

i'm making a long list of stuff that i'd like to do in addition to study next quarter, though: partaking in stateside's a la carte sunday brunch that includes unlimited champagne for $8; finally getting myself into wine country to wander a few vineyards and taste some wine; getting some friends together to hit up zodo's and elsie's for chill nights out; and venturing out to LA and the surrounding areas to visit family and friends. i'm also looking forward to an awesome series of workshops maryam and i are working on that will tackle some of the challenges of presenting at professional conferences. it'll be student-led and run, which is super cool, and i'm sure we're going to be able to cover a lot of essential issues.

speaking of conferences, it looks like i'll be in san diego in april, presenting on 2 panels: one on religion and community, and the other on feminist media studies. that means more traveling for me, and lots of immersion in "the field."

this break, though, i'm going to try and relax, though i will be avidly working on (1) an application for a funded summer research program at ucsb, (2) an application to TA for the writing program, (3) my letter of intent for the feminist studies doctoral emphasis program, and (4) some extra reading for the comp-hist course to make up for what i missed this past quarter. of course, i'm going to also try to refine some of my thoughts and musings on the MA thesis as well... having fun, though, is the first priority, so i'm going to def try to balance all of that together. whew!

well, i think that's all for now. as i've also been scanning some old-school pics, i'll add a few of those, just for laughs...

playing catch-up.

2008-09-30T03:25:00.002Z

it's been a while since i've gotten the chance the blog. i've had so much going on, and i've been so beat and tired, that it's been almost impossible to put my thoughts to paper. but suffice it to say that i'm settled in, that i'm comfortable with my surroundings, and that so far, the start of term is going well.

last week was like the week of non-stop orientations and workshops, which were almost too much; by wednesday i was skipping out on things and trying to relax instead, which was still rather difficult given all the errands i've had to run. ta training, though, was definitely something that was really needed and essential, and i'm so glad that it was available to us. it was basically 16 hours worth of sitting in the soc seminar room with three of the 'upperclassmen,' i suppose you'd call them, who led us through the major areas of being a ta: working with students, leading sections, working with a professor, grading papers, creating lesson plans, dealing with uncomfortable situations (rude students, students contesting grades, overly demanding professors...), and it was a really good way to become acclimated to the department, and also a really good introduction to what i'll be doing this quarter as a ta for soc 1.

i got some good social time in as well -- the end of ta training was celebrated with a student bbq on the beach (always fun, even if it was a little chilly), i went down to state street with a few of the girls in my cohort for a birthday party being thrown for victor rios, formerly of usf and now here at ucsb, a bunch of us got together for dinner at heather's last wednesday and got to get into some nice deep discussions, and then we all went to deborah's last friday for dinner to watch the debates. afterwards, a bunch of us went out to a place called 'tiburon tavern' on upper state where we did kareoke with a few of the upperclassmen. yes, kareoke. there were some pretty good singers there, too.

i laid low this past weekend. chan and i went exploring downtown state street, where i took advantage of old navy's sale on ballet flats and picked up some much needed flat shoes (with all the walking i do -- 15 minutes each way, which equates to almost 1 hour worth of walking on the days when i make 2 trips to campus) to supplement my wardrobe of almost all high heels. we also had lunch at an indian place (the taj cafe; pretty fair in terms of quality, but still fun), which was nice. i was supposed to hit up a dinner party later on that night, but i was beat and could feel myself starting to feel sick, so i totally bailed and stayed in.

sunday i spent finishing up my syllabus that i'm using with my 3 sections, which was interesting, to say the least. getting started is always, always the hardest part, but once i got my initial thoughts down on paper, it was a lot easier to get things to flow. of course, i totally forgot that if i wanted to get copies run off in time for my monday 8 am class, i would have needed to have made copies friday in the department, so i had to do the mad dash to kinkos to run off enough to cover my first section.

so far, i've taught 2 sections, and i'm just astounded at how different each of them are. i feel like i have a whole new understanding about what my professors have done for me. i can look back on some of the activities we've done in class and kind of see what they were really trying to get at, why they constructed classes in such a way, and it's actually really kind of cool. for today the students had to read the 1st chapter of c. wright mills's 'the sociological imagination,' which was really great, since i had planned to give them an excerpt for there any way. in both my sections there has been good conversation surrounding what the sociological imagination is and why it's needed; the thing i keep trying to drive home to them is that i want them to think. i want them to question, i want them to analyze, i want them to learn how to root their arguments in theory, and if they can get even a glimmer of all that by the end of term, i'll consider this whole class a success.

my own classes are getting started a bit slowly -- i had the mandatory 1st year seminar today, which is basically going to be about introducing us to the department and to grad student life at ucsb. we did go through all the requirements for the MA and the PhD, which was slightly terrifying, especially when i saw dates that read '2015' on the page. ummmm... yeah, that made me pause for a moment and wonder what the hell i'm doing in a program that might take me up to 6-7 years to finish, but i'm trying really hard not to think that far ahead, at least not now. the good thing is that my advisor is all for me continuing in the same vein of research as what i did for my undergrad thesis, so if i play my cards right, i might be able to write and defend my MA thesis in a little over 2 years... which is made all the easier by knowing that the thesis itself only has to be about 50 pages long, not 300, like the dissertation. sigh. but i'll think about that a little later. right now, i want to bask in the fact that i had 2 sections that i led myself that didn't fail miserably.

tonight is all about unwinding and taking a bit of a break from the stress of the past few days. once theory and my global gateway seminar meet wedesday, i'll have a lot more to do, so i'm just going to enjoy these last few days of freedom.

friends, old and new + more pictures

2008-09-18T23:09:00.007Z

tomorrow begins the gauntlet of orientation, trainings, meetings and the like, and i've been feeling a bit under the weather, so i'm laying low today, staying in and napping, making tea and watching my sarah brightman dvds while mentally preparing for everything to come. it's so funny -- i've been so chill for the past few days that i think i've somewhat forgotten that the reason i'm here is not to enjoy the view or walk on the beach or run about like a silly little thing (although those things are definite perks). i'm here to study and to learn and all that good stuff. so i'm trying to get myself into the mode of papers and books and the like, and i am a bit excited. i haven't written a paper or studied, really, in almost 4 months, so it'll be good to get back into things.

over the past few days, i've had the chance to meet up with people and to see friends, both old and new, which is really nice. my old friend allison from high school moved to santa barbara last month; she's working at the local hospital as a nurse. monday night she and her boyfriend invited me over to their place for dinner, which was really, really nice. they've got the most amazing garden in the backyard, and treated me to their freshly-grown tomatoes, lettuce and lemon (excellent garnishes for the widmer they picked up from the store). we sat outside (this weather is absolutely amazing), had bbq'd hot dogs and potato salad and the freshly tossed salad, and got a chance to catch up on some of the things that have happened with us and our old classmates over the past few years. it's really nice to have a familiar face here, especially someone who i can talk about 'the good ol' days' with; having that sort of foundation has always been really important to me, so it's good that i'll have the opportunity to renew our friendship.

yesterday i met up with a couple members of my new cohort, which was exciting. from the people that i've met so far (steven, shae, heather and deborah), i feel like we're going to be a pretty interesting group of people, with a diverse mix of research interests. deborah and heather, it seems, were attracted to this program for all the same reasons as me: the promise of intellectual freedom, the ability to be creative in our research, the chance to fashion projects that matter, and the relative feeling that the department is highly competent and qualified in our areas of interest. the intellectual freedom, for me, is really a big thing, especially when it comes to being able to change my mind about my area of study and my specific project itself. more than ever, i feel like i'll have room to grow here, to really develop my 'sociological imagination,' my skills as a social scientist and my awareness as a human being, and to form some deep, lasting, important relationships.

i also managed to get another walk in yesterday. i promised myself that i'd only stay out for 45 minutes; alas, i discovered a new path that led along the beach, and i was gone for almost twice that time. i snapped some photos, though, as promised, so here they are...

a view of the marine biology building, which i'm convinced has the absolute best view of any building on campus.

there's an awful lot of avian life down by the lagoon. sometimes the birds with pointy beaks worry me, since i have an image of them going all hitchcockian on me and attacking, but they're really pretty. i'll never trust swans after what i saw them do in england, but this one is rather nice looking... at least until it huffed at me.

beach! the waves sound so beautiful and peaceful here. i stood there for a while and just listened, at least until i heard a thundering horde coming towards me and glanced up to see a dozen or so shirtless undergrads running down the stairs and then along the sand. all of that is going to take some getting used to...

the ocean, as seen from the bluff that rises above the lagoon.

a view of the lagoon and part of campus.

pelican!!!! (right? i've been despairing over my avian knowledge. an orinthologist i'm not. but there's a whole flock of these that gather along the lagoon, and go flying around over the ocean. a very pretty sight.)

i'm pretending that this is a stork, at least until someone tells me otherwise. they're really quite funny/impressive looking when they try to fly -- their wingspan is huge, although they have really skinny stick legs that hang funny as they fly about. a little nerve-wracking, though, when they take off right next to you and then divebomb into the water.

so, that's about all for now. tomorrow's TA training is student-led, starts with breakfast at 8:30 and then finishes up at 5; there's a second day on Monday, from 9-5, and a bbq at the end of the day on goleta beach, which should be enjoyable. i'm looking forward to meeting the remaining members of my cohort and catching up with some of the grad students that i met when i was here in march, though i'm hoping that it won't all be complete information overload. anyway, it's heading towards 5. i might take a short stroll before starting dinner. thanks for all the emails, everyone. i'll update again soon!

a view on the world...

2008-09-17T01:42:00.016Z

and so here i am, my first official blog post about my time as a grad student at UCSB. i've only been living here for 2 full days, but i feel pretty well-settled and (so far) well-adjusted. of course, it could be, as my new classmate heather mentioned, that i'm still in the 'honeymoon phase,' so we'll see how things go once training and orientation begin.

i drove down on saturday, which was an adventure, since the longest drive i've ever made is from san francisco to palo alto. my sister rode with me and my parents came as well in the van, which is good because there was no way i could've fit all my stuff into the back of truck. i spent the first couple of hours on the drive constantly checking my rearview mirror to make sure the garbage bags filled with stuff shoved into the back weren't flying off, but once i was pretty sure that they were well-entrenched, i could relax a bit. (i should've take a picture of all the plastic bags. there were at least 8 in the back of the truck, and then a few more stuffed into the van along with all my luggage and everyone else's bags)

we pulled into santa barbara around 5:45 or so, and after doing a preliminary move of bags and such, i helped the parents' check in to their hotel. they stayed at pacifica suites, which i would really recommend to anyone coming down to visit. the grounds were beautiful, and while i didn't get a picture, the website is here: http://www.pacificasuites.com/. they gave an extra discount for AAA and for being affiliated with UCSB, which was super useful, so if anyone's interested, give me a ring and i'll see what i can do.

as it was mom's big birthday, i made reservations at a cute restaurant downtown, opal's, that has an awesome drink and dessert menu (the dinner entrees were also divine and to die for). it was super nice -- dad had the paella, which looked amazing, jaymie had tomato linguini, mom had the crabcakes and i had the world's most amazing warm seafood salad, with all these steaming chunks of salmon, scallops and other yummy things, topped with a creamy garlic sauce (i'm making myself hungry just thinking about it, yum!). for dessert, mom and jaymie went all out and had the 'like water for chocolate' special, which is basically raspberry ice cream inside a dark chocolate shell, while i really couldn't resist the dark chocolate jack daniel's creme brulee. mom's plate was decorated with chocolate sauce, and she even got her own candle to blow out:

on sunday, the family left and my roommate and i did some more settling in. luckily, chan had her own apartment in LA before she moved here, so she's got a lot of stuff to furnish the apartment with. as a result, i think our space looks pretty lived in, though of course there are things that we're still looking to do. we ran a few errands sunday night to check out bed bath and beyond, michael's craft store, rite aid, trader joe's, all the usual suspects. she's heading up to sf this coming weekend (she's originally from san jose and has family in san francisco), so she's going to make an emergency trip to ikea and target (two stores that i am sadly missing) to pick up a few extras.

i've taken a few pictures of the place, but it is in flux. here they are:

the living room, which i honestly think looks better in person than in pictures. the sheets are on the windows because we haven't yet received our drapes, which are supposed to be coming on thursday.

luckily, we've also got crazy high ceilings in the living room, one of the awesome perks about being on the top floor. the ceilings have wee windows in them that let in even more light.

the kitchen is small, compact but cute, and we've got a huge fridge. i've already cooked a couple of meals here, and i love the way that it feels.

our wee breakfast nook/office area, where we'll set up a shared bookshelf and a printer. chan also bought a basil plant and a potted rosemary/thyme/oregano plant, which will be the beginnings of our 'urban garden.'

i vacuumed the place today with the use of the roomba my parents let me bring along, since no one at home was using it, and i really couldn't resist putting a wee video of it up here. it occassionally gets stuck under the sofa and makes sad little noises, but it's so much fun to watch it putter around the place like some mini r2d2.

my bedroom, which still needs work but is coming together. i face the mountains, the practice soccer field and the soccer stadium, and the view is really lovely.

in the afternoons, there have been children's soccer lessons outside. today they were joined by a group of boys playing ultimate frisbee, which was lots of fun to watch. :)

anyway, tomorrow there will be photos of the beach, and more stories about the people i'm meeting. i'm pretty much just bumming around, relaxing and trying to catch up on my rest before the madness descends upon me on friday, though i think i'm looking forward to being occupied again. i really don't know what to do with all this free time.

that's all for now!!!

new contact info.

2008-09-15T17:29:00.004Z

and so here i am, in santa barbara at last, all settled into my new apartment. it's been quite the adventure getting down here, and i know there's much more in store. i thought that restarting my old blog might be the best way to make sure that everyone is kept up-to-date on everything that's going on in my life, and a way to make it easier to share pictures and news and that type of thing.

for starter's, i'm going to post my new contact info. i emailed this out to everyone, but just in case, i'll leave it here as well.

email: my yahoo and usf accounts will remain the same, but i have a new ucsb account that i'll be using. the address is jsinlao@umail.ucsb.edu

snail mail: i actually have 2 postal addresses, one for regular USPS mail, and a second for UPS and other packages. they are as follows...

usps:
6520 el colegio rd, #2319
santa barbara, ca 93106

ups:
6520 el colegio rd, #2319
goleta, ca 93117

anyway, i look forward to hearing from everyone! i'll update soon about how the first few days are going...

yay! another update!

2007-03-22T18:04:00.000Z

so, then, in order to attempt to give some sense of what's been going on in my life over the few weeks, i'll have to write another couple of entries, but it's all good. sigh. where to being? let's start with classes...

as i've mentioned previously, march 9th marked the end of the university's hilary term, as well as the end of my tutorials, meaning that the 9th was my last day for narrative and austen, which i'm definitely going to miss like crazy. i feel like i've grown so much through the eight weeks with both of these course, particularly in regards to my ability to work independently and to structure my own arguments and thoughts. i mean, all i got was a one sheet syllabus on the very first day of class with the paper topics for each austen novel and was pretty much told to go off and write somewhere between 2000 and 3000 words of decent argument and analysis, and... that was it. my austen course also gave me the ability to hone my literary analysis skills, something i haven't gotten the chance to do for a couple of years, not since i traded in my humanities courses for the social sciences (not that i'm complaining...).

but to approach the works of austen, who i've loved forever, ever since i watched that awesome bbc version of 'pride and prejudice,' was both a blessing and a challenge. how does one properly analyse and work with an author, so to speak, that one is so familiar with? i started out this course sceptical of secondary sources and what it could tell me, but after the amazing insights i've learned with the help of scholars like claudia johnson (who writes the most awesome book on all 6 of austen's works, along with her juvenelia, that places her in the socio-political-economic context of her time) and peter conrad, i don't think i'll be sceptical ever again. what became amazing, i think, was to see my progression of ideas over the course of my 8 week studies of austen's work. whereas i started off looking only at the surface and doing a minimal of analysis, i think by week 3, with pride and prejudice, i finally was able to use my own ideas, reject the ideas i disagreed with in the secondary lit, and embrace and expand the ones i did agree with. this course was also particularly salient for the application of my much-loved 'sociological imagination' (thanks, c. wright mills!!!!), because austen's works are truly social criticism through the vehicle of satire and comedy. at the heart of it, austen was not writing happy little love stories or nice, fluffy romances; she was both experimenting with the literary style (just compare Pride and Prejudice, Mansfield Park, and Persuasion; it's amazing to note the differences and the nuances of style, etc) as well as offering her sharp criticism of a society ultimately unfair and unjust towards women. this is a view that definitely resounds in a society that has experienced great shifts in how women are treated and in the rights and options that women now exercise. i think i summed this idea up pretty well in my final paper:

"As Austen demonstrates for the single woman living in the isolated English countryside, an advantageous marriage is rare and difficult to form, for the number of eligible bachelors is clearly disproportionate to the number of unattached women. Marriage in Austen’s works, then, becomes little more than an economic transaction, an institution entered upon to expand and enrich the family fortune, to align one’s family with the prestige and honour of another, and, in the end, to obtain protection from the almost certain fate of penury and destitution which awaited the spinster. Her heroines, with the exception of Emma, can all be said to be embroiled in conflicts that are literally an issue of life or death, for without the assurance of husbands, they
become wards of brothers, cousins, and other male relatives, dependent upon the charity and largesse in order to survive. In this way we are presented with such characters as the ever-prattling spinster Miss Bates, “poor…[and] sunk from the comforts she was born to” (Austen 1815:339); Mrs Smith, the “poor, infirm, helpless widow” (Austen 1817:108); Charlotte Lucas, who, at twenty-seven, finds herself a burden upon her parents and her family and sacrifices love and ideals for marriage to a man whom she can hardly esteem; and countless other women who Austen reveals to be lonely, bored, loveless, harassed, suffering from poverty and a want of control over their lives and their destinies. When considered in this light, Austen’s light-hearted
comedies cross the threshold into serious literature, filled with complex and important themes; many critics, however, have ignored this completely, thus limiting the power and scope of her novels to that of mere entertainment."

but as my tutor, val dodd asked, how much has actually changed? there's one really important passage from persuasuion in which the heroine, anne elliot, says, " 'We [women] certainly do not forget you [men] as easily as you forget us. it is, perhpas, our fate rather than our merit. we cannot help ourselves. we live at home, quiet, confined, and our feelings prey upon us'" (austen 165). when i read that quote to my roommate, she made a face and exclaimed, 'that's HORRIBLE. it's just like when you sit around and wait for a man to call.' with that idea in mind, when my tutor posed that question, i couldn't offer a resounding, 'yes, life is so much better for women!' strangely, there are a lot of ideas in austen's works, observations about the interactions between men and women, which are still the same today. sigh. so very, very interesting. i think the idea of applying a sociological lens to literature, as well as using literature in illustrate societal norms and values and such, is definitely going on the list of things "to research" for my future endeavors. yay!

now then, narrative. sigh. i really am going to miss that class, even though i pulled the world's worst all-nighters every single week and rolled in to class every friday morning at 10 looking completely wiped out and terrible. but, as i mentioned last time, i pulled together 2 chapter + synopsis to send to my tutor's publishing agent; it was finished on the 9th, but nigel suggested some minor tweaks, so i finally managed to finish them and mail it off this afternoon, so it should reach her by tomorrow. i'm super proud of my work, however, and super proud of what i've decided to do with my writing. initially when i was thinking about writing romance, i had a huge row with my inner sociologist and feminist, which more or less sat and poked holes in every single aspect of the romance genre: promoting sexist ideals in every way possible (why must every novel feature a handsome, brawny, "experienced" hero and a feisty virgin? why? what does this say about double standards for sexuality in our culture?); emphasising heterosexist norms of relationships; emphasising couple-dom and romantic love in such a way that all other relationships are eclipsed.... there are a lot more horrible problems i could think of, but you get the idea. the main question that remained, then, was kind of an ethical dilemma: if i write romantic fiction, am i contributing to a social structure that i work to criticise in my scholarly work? is there a conflict of interest here? does this make me hypocritical? i've struggled with that over the past two months, trying to find a style that i can write that allows me to stay within the bounds of the romance genre but also allows me to stay true to my beliefs and my ideals, but i think i've at last landed upon a compromise, if you will. i think i've been influenced by austen and her ability to write social satire and comedy and romance while still heavily criticising society, but my lovely idea has stemmed from my frustration with the general lack of people and characters of colour in mainstream literature. i think my cover letter to nigel's agent, carolyn whitaker, says best what i would like to do with my works of fiction.

"Ultimately, my goal is to publish books which feature strong, beautiful, intelligent and fiery heroines from multi-racial backgrounds. In my experience reading not only romance novels but popular fiction in general, I have found a deplorable lack of characters of colour, an absence that needs to be rectified. Indeed, it is this absence of diversity within literary genres, and my own desire to read stories about characters who shared my experiences, that propelled me to begin writing at the age of seven. My own family history has roots in Africa, Spain, the Philippines and the Americas, and I know that I am not alone in my multiracial heritage; indeed, this is a
trend that is growing, and I feel that the fiction market needs to reflect this societal shift. In addition, my training as a sociology student at the University of San Francisco has also provided me with a unique view of the world, one which seeks to look beneath and beyond social structures and institutions and to think outside of the box. My chosen field of study has
made me aware of the diversity of the world, a diversity that still is not reflected in mainstream literature. It is this sort of complexity that I wish to bring to my writing. My hope is to create a new literary genre, one that asserts the beauty, value and worth of women of colour as heroines without relegating them solely to the “culturally focused” section of the bookstore, one that paints a picture of the world that is far more realistic and inclusive than the one that currently exists."

again, the idea of that sociological imagination pervades everything that i do. i'm starting to think that i was made for sociological analysis and the social sciences. my current tale, then, though currently untitled, reflects this idea. my main character, simone elliot, is beautiful and multi-racial, and trying to fight against the limitations imposed upon her by the society structure because of the colour of her skin. i'm still working with it, tweaking at it, trying to find the right balance of social commentary with plot and romance, but i think i can pull it off. this is an interesting endeavor, an exciting one, and one that i am confident that i can pull off. but, well, we'll see what the publishing agent says.

philosophy, then, was my final class to get out of the way. don't want to dwell upon the pain of writing that paper, only that it was finished and completed and that i got an A-. this is the one paper, i think, where the "minus" is okay. sigh. and that, then, brings us up-to-date with my first three courses. i am now in the midst of the integral course; there will be more on that follow.

all in all, expect a blog devoted to my day in london, a bit on museums, photos, and some of the more interesting lectures given for integral, along with the fun field trips, and even a bit on my plans for back home. whew. that's a lot.

a horriby overdue update....

2007-03-18T22:10:00.000Z

so, tomorrow is the start of the integral course, and it's been forever since i've updated, partly because i was way too stressed with the end of term to do any writing, and partly because, after term was at last over, i was way too wiped out to do anything more than veg out... and, of course, run amok around oxford, which is always fun. but i can't get ahead of myself. end-of-term was difficult, if only because there was so much to do: final edits for my wee tale, my last austen paper comparing her works with charlotte bronte's jane eyre, and my seminar paper -- 3000-4000 words on aquinas. gah. but everything, as always, turned out. i've got a story that i love and can be proud of, one that i'm about to send off to nigel's agent... and i aced my final austen paper. i'm super proud of that one, too. i looked at the similarities between austen and bronte, looked at their presentation of society and women's place in it, and my prof really went for it. with tutorials down, there was only the seminar paper to go, but to celebrate the end of tutorials, laura, val and i went out for indian food at this place called jamaal's down in jericho, which had really awesome curry. the next five days of my life (sat-wed) were spent in the library as i combed through secondary criticism of aquinas and his view of love of god, love and self, and the common good -- an appropriate topic, seeing as i work for the centre for the common good. the paper was finished in time for class on wednesday, and once that was over, laura and i took off for the eagle and child for a long-awaited final celebration.

laura and me at the eagle and child

after dinner, the plan was to meet my philosophy classmate, bo, at a place called 'angels,' where one of his tutors works as a bartender on wednesday nights. bo, however, turned up at the eagle and child just as laura and i were about to head off to find him, and so after he had his dinner, the three of us walked to the bar together. angels is probably one of the greatest places i've been to in oxford, with these awesome red leather booths, red lighting, and fantastic 70s music (barry white, marvin gaye, etc.). bo's tutor, J.D., is equally as awesome -- a philosophy doctoral student who also happens to know almost everything about vintage drinks. i had myself a 'french 75,' which is a mixture of champagne, gin and a few other things, and was apparently quite popular in paris around the end of world war i, along with the 'el morocco,' which involved ruby port, cointreau, cognac, lime juice and pineapple juice -- definitely amazing. laura and bo's drinks were equally as fantastic, and after chilling out for a couple of hours, we headed next door to the famed G&Ds ice cream shop to get ice cream, and then headed back home. definitely a great way to celebrate the end of those dreaded philosophy seminars.

(l to r) bo, me and laura. observe the sexy red light.

(l to r) bo, me and laura. bo has "commodore #2," i have "el morocco," and laura has "la fraise d'amour"

thus ended wednesday, with frivolity and frothy drinks. thursday morning was definitely a lazy one, as val had gotten back that morning around 4 a.m. from granada, and the two of us sat about and traded stories for a while before i at last got dressed and went on a walk around oxford with laura. we found tolkein's house, and would've made our way to find tolkein's grave, but it was too far, so we settled for having sandwiches in university parks instead. then, later on, we all went down to broad street, where there was this amazing street exhibition called "luminox," which pretty much involved setting lots of pots on fire. really awesome. photos are coming, as is another update....

scotland calling....

2007-02-27T12:26:00.000Z

as i've finished wrestling with my bedsheets (it's tuesday, new sheet day, and making up my bed has got to be the most difficult thing ever, as it is boxed in on 2.5 sides....), i figured i might as well do a wee bit of blogging before it's time to start my work. it's the 2nd-to-last week of term and there's an awful lot going on, but i'm trying to take it one step at a time. sigh. where to start? narrative, i s'pose, would be the best bet...

i was invited to my narrative tutor's home last friday for class and lunch, along with a few of my classmates, so i took the bus up to headington (supposedly older than oxford itself; there's a church not too far from nigel's house that dates to saxon times). i had, literally, a 40 minute nap, because my work took forever to do (up all night in the lecture hall drinking inordinate amounts of tea to keep my body happy)... but nigel liked my concept and my idea. i took the original novel synopsis i had given him and completely reworked it. my heroine now, though still named simone elliot, is someone vastly different. at 29, she is a fashion designer about to enter "the big time" -- she's been chosen to show at the NYC fall fashion show at bryant park, which seems to be the culmination of years and years of hard work. the story opens at a swanky soiree being thrown for simone by her PR agency; as simone enters the venue, however, she is accosted by her best friend, the wife of the agency's president, and informed that there is a man at this party that she absolutely must meet. of course, the man in question is someone simone knows from the past, a man whose scathing criticisms of her work were so horrible that she almost considered leaving the field altogether. simone, however, agrees to meet this man, neil huntington, to appease her friend, and, of course, sparks fly and sexual tension ensues. said tension grows when simone learns that neil is to be working at the PR agency as the new VP; tension doubles when she discovers that he's to be her new contact, so to speak. what simone doesn't know, however, is that neil's horrendous behaviour six years before was heavily influenced by events in his personal life (a cheating wife who he had loved and adored). the overarching theme will have something to do with the idea of second chances in love, of taking a risk when you've been hurt before, etc, and will be set in the fantastic, beautiful, wonderful city of san francisco. if everything goes my way, this will be my love song for san francisco, the city of my birth and place where my heart truly does lie (even if it is super cliche to say).

anyway, nigel liked the idea, and so my assignment for friday is to write him 2 chapters + a synopsis, along with a cover letter to be given to his agent. egads! and so this week i am writing, writing, writing in earnest; i don't even want to think about all the other things that need to be done (an 'exemplary piece of research' on aquinas? mwah. or my extended research project for austen? jeez....).

in other news, i decided yesterday that it would be a good idea to get started on grad school research. i've had this list of schools put together for months now, and i've finally narrowed down my research field: i want to explore the modern-day wedding industry in terms of consumption and commodification, but also in terms of the social construction of femininity, masculinity and heterosexualiy, and the representation of gender/sexuality/race/ethnicity in the media. i sent off letters of enquiry to 10 different grad programs: ucsb, uc santa cruz (both the soc and history of consciousness programs), u of pennslyvania, u of maryland (home of pat hill collins!!!!), city university of new york, university of london, university of cambridge, oxford, and the university of edinburgh. got back a form response from cambridge and a short email from ucsb indicating that they have strengths in gender and sexuality studies, but so far the most interesting email is from edinburgh, who "strongly encourages me" to apply as i have a very interesting research topic and a number of the faculty share my interests. so... that's definitely 'yay'-worthy, i think. so we'll see what comes of it. i'm hoping to perhaps take a trip to edinburgh next month to poke around, maybe meet some of the faculty members, etc. in the meantime, i've got to figure out what i'm doing 9th week. val and i are thinking about paris, which could be grand. otherwise.... it's 1. time for lunch and work. more to come...

aaaaaah! 6th week already....

2007-02-20T22:48:00.000Z

...where did the time go?! goodness. i have only 2 weeks left of tutorials after this, and then another week of seminar, and that frightening aquinas paper is looming up on me. i feel like this experience is dwindling away so quickly, but i hope that after classes end i can have more time to really enjoy myself. it's like i spend so much of my time studying, writing, reading, stressing that i hardly feel justified in going out and having a good time. but some really fantastic things have happened, though. i'm super getting into this wine thing; it was definitely worth the money i've invested into it. i don't know... it's like i've found something new that i enjoy, something new that i can be passionate about. and the fantastic thing is that it's not even about "getting drunk;" it's about the experience, about indulging and learning about this whole world and the like. there's a science involved in growing the right grape, in processing it the right way. i mean, just thinking about the effects of barrels (oak? steel?) and the effect they have on the taste, or on the way that grapes have been harvested, or the way in which it's bottled. the type of cork, the colour of the bottle, the temperature at which the beverage is served.... all terribly important and terribly fascinating. chorus, too, is definitely something i'm glad to have gotten involved in. today was my third rehearsal, and i finally felt like my voice was really coming out the way it should. of course, it helps that i'm way more familiar with the music and the notes than i have been over the past few weeks, but tonight was an especially good rehearsal. the girl sitting next to me even turned to me and was like, 'wow, you've got a really cool voice!' something that i haven't heard in a really, really long time. it's interesting. i don't want these things to die when i get back home. the first thing i'm doing is signing up for USF chorus when i get back; i don't care about the time constraints or the involvement. i need to sing. i will literally waste away and die without my music. i've already gotten far more rusty than i ever imagined. and, of course, i want wine to stay in my life. there's this whole silly age barrier that i have to contend with when i return, but there will only be about 8 months to go before i can legally take part in the wine scene. sigh. wine and cheese parties. wine tastings. wine bars. wine classes. buying my own wine... 'twill be heaven. salsa, too, i'm grateful for. i didn't go yesterday because i was feeling really domestic. the thought of putting on clothes and going outside just left me with a bad taste in my mouth, so i ended up skipping class. we'll see if i go next week; depends on how much work i've gotten done. but, strangely, even if i don't end up doing any more classes this term, i know that this is something else that i love and enjoy, something that i will want to continue when i get home.

i suppose this is like a reflection piece, which is appropriate, seeing as our time here is almost half-way through (i think. math has never been my strong point). but it's strange, being on my own, living in a foreign city, making my own choices of what to do and where to go and who to see and how to spend my time. i really am responsible for my own well-being. there is no one here to tell me to go to class, or to study, or to write, or whatever. all of that is my own decision. i'm just pleased that i'm managing to stick to a morning routine of going for my walk, coming home, cleaning up, and getting started with things. this thursday, as i may have mentioned before, is wine tasting, which means that i need to have things pretty much done by 6:30 or so that night. friday morning will find me at nigel frith's house in headington for my narrative tutorial, followed by lunch, and then i'll head back here for my austen tutorial. i'm really excited. the book of choice for the week is austen's final work, persuasion, and is a really, really interesting piece. the paper hasn't been written yet, but i thankfully have a few ideas. i really should do something fun on friday night, maybe something that involves going out... but we'll see. saturday and sunday are devoted to aquinas, as my class tomorrow has been rescheduled for next monday, meaning that i'm going to have 2 aquinas sessions in one week (gahhhhhh!). i've also got to narrow down a topic for that paper, so i'm going to be (gasp!) actually doing so research. hah, val calls it my "quality time with quiny," as i will most likely hole up with my tea and laptop and huddle in bed to get things done. but saturday night should be lovely, as i bought tickets to see the oxford philharmonia do bernstein's 'suites from west side story,' copland's 'fanfare for a common man,' and gershwin's 'rhapsody in blue' -- all of the preeminent american jewish composers of the 20th century, amusingly enough. if that all goes well, then i'll also sign up for the next concert on 6th march, which are works by berlioz and rachmaninov. yay! anyway, off to work a bit more on this slightly tepid idea i have for a novel. here's hoping that i can turn it into something exciting and fun....

....they say it's yer birthday....

2007-02-19T13:14:00.000Z

and what a lovely, lovely birthday it was. i am now (at last) beyond the realm of teen-dom and on my way to adulthood (though, as julia asked last night at dinner, 'adulthood? wait... when is that supposed to start again? 30? 35?'). but my weekend was lovely. sunday was a quiet one -- went for another walk, accompanied by laura this time, stopped by saintsbury's to get some last minute things for dinner (crackers and brie for a pre-meal snack, along with some yummy italian salad dressing and butter for the bread), made a borders detour and bought the latest issue of uk vogue, and then went back home where i more or less chilled out before it was time to start cooking. val, laura and i got started first, cleaning down the (absolutely filthy) kitchen and making it sparkly clean and bright. boiled water for pasta, was joined by luke, put out the brie and crackers, popped open a bottle of chardonnay semillon (rosemount. my new favourite), seasoned my salmon steaks and put them in the oven.... was joined by andre and julia, along with claire, and later amelia, who made an amazing, amazing salad... had a bit of a crisis over not having enough pasta sauce, but was rescued by claire, who had some extra stuff stashed away.... then, at last, everything was ready and we went to the (newly-cleaned) dining room to chow down. it really was like a lovely dinner party, complete with good wine and people that i really enjoy and care about. of course, since there were a good number of history nerds present, conversation turned to the "epic awesome-ness" of gladiator and gladiatorial fights, and the superiority of swordfights and duels to our current justice system. sigh. the night was topped off with a completely sinful chocolate cake, picked by laura as a surprise, and everyone sang me happy birthday. yay!!!! our wines also really hit the spot. val, laura and i made a trip over magdelen bridge on saturday (not as far as it sounds; about 10-15 minutes on foot) and took advantage of the threshers 'buy any 2 wines and get the 3rd free' deal and came back with: cave du turckheim alsace riesling, rosemount 2004 chardonnay semillon, and a chilean rose that was really awesome. after the food and the cake were finally finished, everyone pitched in to do the dishes (except for me. i was forbidden from dishes washing, probably because i insisted upon cooking myself), and then we retired for an early night. so, yay! thanks to everyone for all the cards and emails and well wishes.... 'twas quite appreciated. now, i must turn my attention to --- erggg -- work. more soon!

val and me.

mmm.... food. my salmon steaks, along with the garlic bread i made and amelia's salad, in progress...

(l to r) luke, me, and amelia

sigh. the amazing, amazing cake laura bought. those truffles were absolutely KILLER.

and the cake. all gone. or, as queen would say, 'all dead, all dead.'

spring isn't here (yet), but...

2007-02-17T15:22:00.000Z

...cherry blossoms are blooming! it all started thursday, when i ventured down high street towards the botanical gardens and saw that -- lo! -- the cherry blossom tree next door to university church is completely in bloom! deep pink flowers are pretty much covering the tree, and it makes me really happy. so imagine my disbelief when i wandered into the botanical gardens and found a small patch of beautiful purple irises blooming, and when i walked past st edward's school this morning and saw daffodils.... and then saw a few yellow tulips... and more cherry blossoms all along woodstock road. spring is coming! it's overcast today, but the clouds are high and it's bright. can't wait till i can rock my california sunglasses down the street without looking like an utter vampire.

in terms of birthday news, did a wee bit of shopping this morning -- a 30 pound blouse on sale for 3 quid (mwah-hah-hah-hah. i truly am the queen of bargain shopping) and a couple pairs of super big earrings for a pound each. then i went out, bought myself a copy of persuasion, as every copy at the local library was sold out, and went out for "cream tea" (tea + scones) over at the mitre, which is one of the oldest restaurants in oxford, dating back to the fifteenth century. the tea was good, as were the scones, and the devonshire cream + strawberry jam were fantastic, and i got through a good four or five chapters of persuasion before i finally called it quits. so, now i'm back in the room, though i am feeling restless, so i might possibly go out for another walk (this time in flats, as i just ran around in my really pretty but really high heels, and i think my feet could use a break), maybe back to the botanical gardnes or to christ church meadow, or something pretty like that. and then tonight tom and i are headed back to the old law library at magdelen college for wine tasting classes, part two. i hear we're going to be tasting a variety of about 7 or 8 wines, and talking a lot about technical matters: corking, barrelling, etc. tomorrow shall be a 'working in earnest' day, for val and i have decided to go to london on monday, as i need a change of scenery and we can both use a bit of a distraction from life. tomorrow is also my birthday (!!!), and so the alcove, along with a few designated friends, will be cooking dinner and such. huzzah! fun times, coming up. in terms of london, we'll probably take off somewhere in the morning, possibly dragging along luke as our guide, and we shall find our way to westminster abbey, possibly the houses of parliament, and (if time allows), to do a bit of wine tasting at vinopolis. whoo! should prove to be a fun-filled day. however, in order to justify the fun times, i have to get some work done. so i am off once more, heading to the gardens or to the meadows, to read and write and contemplate life.....

valentine's day! yay!

2007-02-14T12:16:00.000Z

so, the fantastic thing about valentine's day is that it marks the final countdown to my birthday -- four days! it might seem kind of silly to be almost twenty and still counting down, but birthdays are a big deal in my family. got a card from my nana and poppi on monday, which is all pretty and hanging on my bulletin board, and to my surprise, my mom called yesterday to say that she's mailing off my birthday present, which will be late; apparently she didn't want to get to my empty pigeonhole and be sad to find it empty. but i wasn't even expecting a package; just a card and my wee shopping spree, but now this is doubly exciting. i went and bought my birthday groceries today: pasta, white sauce, salmon steaks, spinach and veggies. it's been decided that the birthday festivities will kick off friday night with a trip to a pub for some cocktails, and will conclude on sunday with dinner and a movie, and i'm really, really excited, because our kitchen cooking parties are always awesome. pictures, of course, will follow. as of now, i am taking a break from my break (lol), as i was writing when val announced that she was off to the post office, and as i have been meaning to get there for a month (ooops...), i thought i should go along. thankfully, i ran into a display of the trashy romance novels i need to buy for class (you know. market research and that kind of thing)..... yeah. they are, if nothing less, trashy. take, for example, the first: the businessman's bride. that's under the mills and boon 'romance' imprint, which means that it's a lot more... chaste. or something like that. love scenes are consumated behind closed doors, etc. and then i also purchased the greek's virgin (!!!!!!!!!!), which is under the 'modern romance' imprint, which means that it is to take place in an 'international and glamorous' locale. both, of course, feature the much needed alpha male character and.... yeah. i really don't know what i'll do with this, but the plan is that i shall do as much as possible with my austen essay today and take tomorrow to camp out in a cute cafe (i'm thinking queen's cafe on high street; it's really pretty and i've always, always wanted to go in....), read said trashy novels, and start my analysis. and who knows? maybe my muse will be so enraged at the inferiority of quality that 'twill prompt me to write a few scenes of my own. we'll see. anyway, i suppose that is the week to come. today will find me doing more with emma, as well as muddling through an hour and a half of aquinas. perhaps i'll dine in, that way i can throw on PJs and do some hardcore work. aaaaand... right. tomorrow is devoted to writing, friday to getting through class and then celebrating with cocktails, saturday to recovering (lol. no hangovers this weekend. that is my stipulation) and wine class, and then sunday to dinner and a movie. yay!!!! anyway, with that said, i am off.

here comes the sun...

2007-02-13T15:13:00.000Z

or, at least, it was here, for a couple of hours, at least. woke up this morning when i heard the roommate stumbling out to the shower; looked at the clock and saw that it was 7:45. like... what?! i haven't seen 7:45 in, uh, a few weeks, actually. but i got up and peeked out of the curtain and -- lo! -- there was sun! and blue skies! seeing as i got caught in the rain yesterday, this was a very exciting thing, and so i was dressed (before val, too; amazing) in record time, and ran off to breakfast, and then ran off for my walk. i rocked the big sunglasses and everything; quite, quite exciting. unfortunately, the fog began to roll in and the day became slightly overcast and grey, but it's okay, as i got my dose of sun and blue skies. there's nothing like strolling down woodstock, cars streaming past, sun shining, and big and rich blaring on the headphones. sigh. after that, i came back, changed my bed linens, and got dressed and actually looked cute for once -- my new black trousers and my black puffed-sleeve turtleneck, all accessorized with my pretty jewelry and such. dunno why i'm making such a big deal of it, but maybe because i feel like i am dressing the way, well, i would back home, which makes me really, really happy. and as it is my birthday week, i feel as though it is absolutely necessary and essential that i make myself cute everyday. and so after i dressed and such, i ventured out to cafe nero on high street and worked on my emma essay over a cup of chai, which, though over-loaded with too much milk, was pretty darn good. and so now i am back in my room, attempting to work, though i think a nap is in order, as i got myself up really early and exerted myself a lot. sigh. but today is going well, though it is the day before valentine's day, but i shall ignore that. tomorrow i plan (in addition to going to seminar) to go out, buy myself roses and chocolate, and maybe making a good dinner. something involving spinach and baby shrimp or something. anyway, i am off for a nap; sunshine, however, was far too fantastic to pass up sharing. chorus is tonight, so i need to (attempt) to do some work so i don't feel like the past two days were an entire waste of time....

a wee break before work....

2007-02-12T21:01:00.000Z

so, it's nine o'clock and i am at last sitting down to dinner. work seems to be somewhere on the horizon at last. today was a full day for me. for the third day in a row, i roused myself from the indolent stupour i seem to have settled into over the past two or three weeks and went for a walk. headed down cornmarket, which turns into st giles and then at last into woodstock road. initially i went on satuday in search of a yoga spot i found online... it's about a half hour away, which seems a little far for yoga, but it's a good stretch for my legs, particularly since i am used to devoting a couple of hours a week to walking. so, i tried the route again yesterday and actually ventured down banbury road (runs parallel to woodstock), just because it was so beautiful and picturesque with the cottage-like brick homes and all the pretty trees... and, of course, "just one more block" turned into another, and another, and another... which was lovely yesterday, as the sun was shining and out and bright and totally getting into my eyes, as i have forsaken sunglasses like all the other oxonians have... but today, unfortunately, i had just turned around (after walking 45 minutes outside of city centre, where i live) and the rain began. poured, actually. got quite wet. but the music on the ipod was so good that it really didn't matter. so, i got back at last, completely soaking wet and the like, and promptly changed clothes to go... birthday shopping! my nails have finally been done (got them done yesterday. now they're all dramatic and inky black), and so today i went to debenham's (think bloomingdales) and browsed around for 2 hours. tried on zillions of clothes, it seems, but there were still left overs from the big 70% off sale, and they're moving in all the new stock, so i got some good deals: a cute white, cap sleeved shirt --- 6.90 down from 25, super-cute wide leg black trousers, 10 down from 45, and a pretty black tank-thing, 5 down from 30.... oh, and a pair of footless turqouise tights (??? i don't even know. they were on sale) for 1.50. yeah.... all in all, a very good day. then i rushed home to eat, and then tried to do a bit of work before breaking for tea and then going to colloquium... and then it was a quick minute to switch stuff, grab an umbrella, use the potty and run down to st hugh's for salsa class, which was awesome, though i did dance with this one guy who was so tall and broad-shouldered that i was literally staring at chest no matter how hard i tried to crane my neck upwards (i was sans 4 inch heels, so that made a big difference).... but it was enjoyable, even if i did make a zillion mistakes. whoops. but it's only my second class... and yeah. which brings us to now. got home, showered, made dinner (tomato soup and a pseudo-grilled cheese. nothing like ed used to make. sigh....), and here i am.

ah, but i do have to share about wine class! so, tom (who goes to CMRS too) and i went over together saturday evening, sort of like, what are we going to possibly do for three hours? boy, were we surprised... there are about 2 dozen in the class, and as soon as we were all seated and the like, we started off with a bit of perrier jouet champagne (2 thumbs way, way up), and then went into the first round of wine, which were 3 chardonnays. we were given 1) a chart in which we could make notes on each wine, the nose, palate, and appearance of each; 2) a wee bit of a cheat sheet which breaks down different categories for appearance, nose, palate, etc; and 3) a really handy circular chart with the different categories of smell/flavour (fruity; nutty; earthy; and so on), further broken down into different types of things. so, fruity is broken down into blackcurrent, raspberry, strawberry, and so forth. really, really handy when sticking your nose into the wine glass, inhaling, and trying to figure out what the heck is in there. anyway, we went through the chardonnays. the first was a super cheap one that wasn't too horrible; the second a mid-price (6-12 quid) australian; the third an "old-world" french chablis (around 12 quid or so), which led to a discussion of "new world" vs "old world" wines. "new world" wines are fuller, both in body and taste, and are good as stand-alone wines, as they can possibly overpower the food. the 'old world' wines have a tendency to be a bit more "austere," as our instructor put it, but pair quite nicely with a dish. ah, and a word on our instructor, ed fitzgerald, who was president of the wine society back when he was a student at oxford, and has gone on to judge at international wine festivals. really awesome guy; funny, laid-back, informative, really knows his stuff. anyway, after that, it was on to the reds: the first was an absolutely horrible cheap cab. sav.; the second another example of australian made wine -- very full-bodied, etc.; the third was an amazing 10 yr old bordeaux, which, however, was nothing when compared to the final drink of the night, which was a 1981 claret -- fully matured, at the peak of its life-span, and absolutely fantastic. anyway, i have one more class left this coming saturday, and then i think for the final 3 weeks of term, i'll do the Bacchus tastings as well. there's a nice Australian shiraz night coming up that i'm really excited for.... and yeah. all in all, i think that's my life for the moment. i am counting down with eager anticipation for my birthday, and i can hardly wait. i think we're all going to go out for dinner or something... we shall see...

my super-cute white blouse.

my black sleeveless top.

my black wide-leg trousers.

a snowy day in oxford-town....

2007-02-08T12:52:00.000Z

a snap-shot of some of the st peter's buildings, covered in snow....
bicycles!

yay! the first snow has come to oxford ("first," for the bit of snowy drizzle we received a few weeks ago doesn't count). here are just some fun photos, because this town is even prettier under a bit of snow.... for a few more, check this out: http://usfca.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2024234&l=22038&id=7100419

1 month down...

2007-02-07T12:44:00.000Z

and so here i am, over a month into the program. it's 4th week, which means that my tutorials are already half way over, and i'm almost at the half-way mark with seminars. soon i'll have to turn my attention to my flipping huge seminar paper that i will have to write on aquinas (worth 80% of my grade. whaaaaat?!) and my final projects for my tutorials, but i prefer not to think about that right now. i'm taking a break from my austen paper that doesn't seem to want to cooperate with me (on mansfield park, to be exact, which isn't a horrible book, but isn't nearly as fun as pride and prejudice. no colin firth scowling and brooding as mr darcy to look at, for one), so i thought i would update, as updates are sorely needed. now, then. what have i done for the past month? let's think....

1. made friends.

my roommate, val, and i get along really well. sometimes too well, if our midnight giggle fests while attempting to study/take notes/write papers is any indication. but we can give each other space when necessary, put up with one another's mood swings, go out for a pint and chill, gab about boys, and ferociously bitch about all the people in our house that we don't like (um.... everyone except for the people who live in our alcove and the handful who are on the "good" list, which fluctuates from day-to-day, depending on mood, etc. once again, we are rather moody). this has given our room the name "the bitchy room," but we are quite proud of that fact. we have also somehow been adopted by the boys in room 26, paul and luke, fondly known as the apostles, who come down frequently throughout the day. paul offers one word requests. por ejemplo: "tea?" (with hopeful smile) or "dinner?" (again, hopeful smiles). luke offers effusive invitations: "so, me and some of the guys are headed down to one of the pubs for a pint.... wanna come?" luke also offers lovely bedtime wishes. "so, me and some of the guys are headed down to the one of the pubs for a pint. thought i'd let you know. sweet dreams!" (they're such nice boys). they also come down to chill and ignore work for a few, though val and i suspect that they come just to watch the insane zoo-like spectacle that the two of us provide as we giggle and bitch our way through life. ah, yes. lovely.

the alcove is also quite a cozy one. six of us live here altogether: val and i in room six; laura and amelia in room five; and julia and claire in room four. somehow we all manage to get along. julia's boyfriend, andre, is an honourary member of the alcove, as he is down here quite a bit. but we've started neat little traditions of picking a movie to watch friday nights and undertaking a fun recipe saturday afternoons (kitchen parties are very, very awesome). last week laura and i put together pasta (noodles made by laura; smashing sauce made by moi -- sauteed mushrooms and spinach along with a mushroom tomato sauce) and yummy foccaccia (with melted butter and garlic sauce on top! made by me!), which went along with a delicious salad made by amelia. fantastic. i'm hearing rumours in favour of mexican this coming weekend, which could be really, really exciting...

2. figured out oxford streets...

i think i've finally gotten this "street" thing down. oxford, unlike american cities, isn't based on any type of rational grid, nor does it have blocks. instead, there are little chunks of streets that sort of blend into the next. hence, one can walk down cornmarket, cross the street and be on magdelen, and then cross the street again and be on st giles, and, if feeling intrepid, cross the street again and be on woodstock road (which stretches a long, long way). i have, with the aid of my handy map (which i am never without), discovered the university parks, at last found my way (alone. and sober.) to the eagle and child, as well as the catholic church, found the oxford university sports centre, located the music faculty library, found the social sciences building on manor road (the first modern building i've been in the entire month. crazy!), and discovered: merton college, oriel college, st hugh's college, st antony's college, and st edmund's hall. i've at last figured out where the "really cute cafe" is (on high street, cross street queen's) and where "that ice cream shop" is (st aldates, just past christ church; or, for the other ice cream shop, little clarendon, just past the eagle and child). i've also figured out how to find saintsbury's local, quite necessary if i'm craving something to eat/drink and the closer saintsbury's is closed (i.e. if it's after 8 p.m. mon-sat, as everything bloody closes early in this town). in short, i feel as though i can finally command oxford streets, which is really, really useful, as i walk virtually everywhere.

3. gotten involved in stuff (left vague for a reason)

where do i start? this week, actually, is my first actually getting out of st michael's and doing things besides my work. monday i finally went to the social sciences building to get myself acquainted with the sociology department and sit in on a seminar entitled, "division of domestic labour and women's human capital," which was really interesting, just to see what the "oxford style" is. the sociology program here, which is solely a graduate program, is based on middle-range theory with a huge emphasis on empirical study. the prospectus points out how sociology has gotten a reputation for being mostly theoretical (which is a fair assessment), and so the oxford program seeks to take theory and apply it. i meet a really nice grad student named kathleen who volunteered to sit down with me next week over coffee and tell me more about the program, which is a super awesome thing. i'm sort of falling in love with this town, and i know it's going to be very, very hard to leave, and coming back for grad school, well.... that'd just be awesome. but i have to figure out if what i want to study will fit in here, and if i want to do empirical studies... sigh. a lot to think on for right now.

monday night i went to my first salsa class and it was awesome. (there were also cute boys who smelled good! ooooooh!) it was the 4th class that most people had gone to, so i had a bit of make up work to do, but i worked really hard (and had some good partners who were quite patient with my ignorance) and by the end felt like i had mastered, well, something. the music was good, all sensuous and latin, and once i got into it, it was fantastic. i can't wait for next week's lesson... hopefully i'll start to meet some guys and have a wee bit of fun.

yesterday wasn't so hot -- i was in bed with a tummyache most of the day -- but i got myself together to go to my first university chorus rehearsal. university chorus is non-auditioning and everyone is welcome, which is fantastic, seeing how rusty i am. we're doing two pieces by faure: the requium and the cantique de jean racine. it's interesting, bouncing back and forth between latin and french. but i met a few more grad students there who are really nice (also canadian, which is fun, because i love canada), and i think i know who to sit next to next week. always useful...

4. gotten into this school thing... sorta...

so, last week was the first week where wednesday rolled around and i had already finished almost my entire austen essay and half of my narrative work. this week, not so much. between taking monday to do fun extracurricular stuff and being sick almost all of tuesday, i'm kinda behind. okay, a lot behind. and that makes me really nervous because i'm just not in the mood for pulling an all-nighter.... but i'm hoping that i can get myself back on track. as it is, i am doing more work than i've ever done, it seems, in my life. i have a book and an essay to write a week; a short story a week; and any other exercises that my narrative tutor, frith, sees fit to give me. frith finds my work, with revisions and a bit of effort, publishable. that still astounds me. the difficulty i'm facing right now, though, is coming up with the proper plotline for what i have planned... there is an idea for a novel that i've been kicking around, but... there's something missing. still. i think that's why i've been boycotting work all week. my muse won't talk to me, so i won't talk to it -- not the most productive nor the most mature decision, but the one that seemed to be the best at the time. now i have to finish my austen essay so i can sit and ponder this novel dilemma, and hopefully not be up till 6 a.m. friday morning...

...

i still can't believe an entire month has gone on. i feel like i fit in to this landscape, though. the city of dreaming spires, with the river lazily cutting through and the cobblestone streets and the trees and the lawns and the quaint shops and the stone buildings... all the students running around, books in hand... sitting in coffee shops and debating politics and philosophy and theology.... and, at night, staggering around after a bit of fun at the pub... i love it all. i don't want it to end. but, we'll see. there are a few grad school programs that i'm looking at, and maybe in a year or so....

anyway, i'm off to see if i can bend this essay to my will, and then onward to philosophy in a couple of hours. silly aquinas. we're talking about the soul today. goodness knows where that will take us, as i have been 1) dismembered (figuratively) in an attempt to prove something philosophical (can't remember what), as well as 2) spray-painted gold in order to demonstrate "the action" and "the effect" (or something like that), and goodness knows what else. that class is hilarious. then it's back to the room for more work, a break for dinner and more work.... and if i make it to saturday, my first wine-tasting class. sigh. lots and lots going on. well, then.... off i go...

killing time.

2007-01-17T13:02:00.000Z

so it's about one o'clock and i have an audition for the st peter's choir in a half hour. i've lost my key card to get into the college, so i'll have to leave a wee bit early and get a new one. sigh. what can i say? i've been instructed by my mother to banish the word "nervous" from my vocabulary and to fill my head and soul with positive thoughts, and so that is what i have been trying to do since yesterday afternoon. for the most part, it's worked out remarkably well. i really haven't stressed about it at all. though now that it's 26 minutes 'till, i'm starting to think of all the things that could go wrong. but all i keep reminding myself about is how this is something that i love, something that i'm passionate about, something that i need to have in my life. it hasn't been right up till this point: schedules and work and school and classes all got in the way. and now that i've got time on my hands... well, i suppose it's all quite obvious how i feel. i want this. i wonder, too, if i have made far too huge a deal out of it. of course, i don't want to walk in and make a fool of myself. 'twould be sad. but i shall request a bit of a vocal warmup and such... and we'll see where it goes. i'm almost hoping that we can screw bach and just have me sing something else, but again -- we'll see. i just want to be content in the knowledge that i'm actually actively pursuing something that i want, rather than sitting and wondering and thinking and pining. i'm really proud of myself for that, actually. oh, yay! a positive. there's also the fact that the clouds have parted and that the sky is blue and that the sun is shining, even though it still insists upon raining off and on. oh! kenny chesney has just popped up on itunes! ohhhhh.... you know, actually, i think i could use some country music right about now. "young," i think, is the perfect song for my mood right now. wow.... with the blue skies and the sun, this really makes me feel a helluva lot better. so, then. where does this bring me? i'm off to my audition in a few and, for better or for worse, i'm validated in the fact that i'm going for my dreams and doing what i love. after that, i'll probably run to the store and buy some olive oil so i can really start cooking ('cause i had the hall's lasagna for lunch and i totally forgot that i actually don't like it... ick...), and then back here to read a bit of aquinas and review my notes. then it's on to my seminar at 3:30 with bo, who i sat and had a pre-seminar discussion with over lunch (yay! he's fun...). then after that i'll probably do dinner or something. or maybe i'll even make dinner here and work. i've hit 1115 words out of 2000 for my austen paper, so i'm hoping i can finish that up tonight, and then do any edits or whatever on friday before class. and then tomorrow will be devoted entirely to matters of creative writing and fiction, which should be fun. i think a pot of tea and snuggling in bed should be good for that. i might have to shut myself off of the 'net, though -- too distracting. ah, yes. but some classical music and some tea and my teddy bear and my blankets. perfect. somewhere in-between i shall have to also do my laundry, as i am starting to run low on clothes, and i'm trying to be sustainable and not run out to buy new things just 'cause i'm too lazy to do my laundry. and then.... yeah. well then. i shall turn in my membership to the oxford wine society on friday and get all set up for that... lovely! i'm rather happy now; big and rich is playing ("pray for you"... aww...) and i'm off to chase rainbows and pursue my dreams and the like. whoo!

a blustery day...

2007-01-11T10:09:00.000Z

looking outside my window to the wee garden and old buildings beyond, it seems like a scene out of a.a. milne's imagination, like winnie the pooh and rabbit and kanga might pop out at any moment as the wind gusts through the trees and such. you can totally tell it's winter: the trees are dead, and not a single leaf grows upon them. well, the trees outside my window, that is. but i've at last downloaded the pas de deux from tchiakovsky's nutcracker and it is absolutely gorgeous and magnificent, full of the passion and storminess that i've come to expect from those wonderful romantics. i am, perhaps, in a romantic frame of mind, or at least a gothic one, for i am in the process of writing my first paper on austen's northanger abbey, a satire of the gothic form of novel. amusingly enough, the off-hand jokes and comments she makes remind me a great deal of my gothic favourites: jane eyre, wuthering heights, rebecca. however, in typical austen fashion, she puts them all in their place and reminds you why one should never cling to their foolish illusions.

today, however, is a quiet one, for there are no lectures, no tutorials, no seminars, no colloquiums, and that's a lovely thing. i've finally got my schedule down for classes and such. it goes something like this:

monday (every other): colloquium, 4:30
tuesday (every other): lecture, 4:30
wednesday: seminar, 3:30
thursday: free
friday: tutorial (narrative) 10:00; tutorial (austen) 2:00

it's not a bad way to live one's life, actually. thursdays will be nice, for i can use them to catch up on any last minute writing for my friday tutorials. the tutorials are fairly straightforward. the austen course will look at my beloved authoress's work in chronological order, meaning that there is a book a week and a paper a week (2000 words) due at every meeting. my narrative tutor, frith, has broken down my assignments into three parts: 1) reading some work of fiction and writing a 1 page summation of style and such; 2) a writing exercise in the same tone and vein of the sample work; 3) writing my own anything. ah, such freedom. 'twill be enjoyable. the colloqium only requires one piece of reading (though the reading shall be dense, or so i've been told), so that will be okay, which means that most of my life can be devoted to properly understanding the works of st. thomas. lovely.

perhaps, then, since i am at my leisure, i shall paint a picture of life here at st. michael's hall, living in the renowned and truly ancient city of oxford. i will try to give at least a cursory image of the sort of place this is, and the manner of people who inhabit it. expect a more thorough portrayal, however, after i have been here for a bit longer. this is based solely upon what knowledge i have acquired after 1 week's (!) stay.

the centre for medieval and renaissance studies is housed in st michael's hall on shoe lane (http://www.cmrs.org.uk/oxford_stmichael.asp). it truly is in the heart of the city; to our right lies the clarendon centre, a shopping area with a cafe and a number of stores and boutiques. to our left lies the westgate centre, another shopping area with a grocery store, etc. and, all around us are boutiques and shops and stores and pretty much everything and anything that one could ever need. we are concerned at the moment, however, with the hall itself. one enters through a great wooden door and proceeds up a set of narrow stairs to the landing, where there are a set of mailboxes (or pigeonholes, as philpott would say) for all the students. a hall with administration offices lie to the right; the library and principal's office are to the left. next, one would proceed up another set of stairs to the first landing. to the right is the lecture hall (and beyond the lecture hall is a series of corridors that lead one to more bedrooms, a seminar room, and eventually the computer room); to the left is a small hallway with two bathrooms, one with a shower, and, past another door, three bedrooms, one of which i am currently housed in. 'tis not a floor, per se, but a cluster of bedrooms where we live. it's a quiet one; there are only 6 girls in total here. but the solitude is lovely (though, as the walls are thin, loud exclamations and whooping laughter can be immediately heard), particularly when one is trying to study. however, though my floor-mates are quiet ones, the same cannot be said for the rest of the house.

there is another set of stairs that leads up to the following floor, which is (you've guessed it!) long, narrow, and lined with bedrooms/bathrooms. from this point, one can continue up another set of stairs to the fourth floor of rooms, or turn the corner and proceed up a different set of stairs. this leads to another wing of the house, and if one walks far enough down the narrow corridor, one will find oneself at the laundry, kitchen, dining room and common room areas. whew! it is a twisty sort of place that seems overwhelmingly complicated at first; photos, i think, of this maze of rooms and corridors and halls and stairs will soon have to follow.

the administrator is fiona, a wonderful woman who more or less makes sure that this place is running. then there is mark philpott, who is the senior tutor and in charge of all academic matters. ah, what to say about philpott... he is a sarcastic man with dry, witty english humour. from what the lads tell me, he is constantly making snide remarks about their choice of garment or literary material (though i have had no such contact with him. he likes my earrings, apparently, and that's good enough for me). philpott's lectures are always enjoyable, as he is always sprinkling them with little stories and humorous asides, though he hates tardiness. one boy walked in late yesterday and offered a very quick, 'sorry,' and philpott scowls and mutters, 'you will be.' whoa.... moral of the tale: always arrive to any philpott lecture five minutes early, as he starts right on the dot.

in addition to this cast of characters we have dr. crowe, who is nothing short of completely brilliant. he offered a one hour lecture on the renaissance on tuesday, and by the end i was absolutely convinced of his own intellectual superiority over most of humankind and my own humble thoughts. my notebook is absolutely filled with his words of wisdom, and the thing about it is that he made it look so flipping easy. sigh. these people. crowe is my colloquim leader, which will be quite exciting, for i'll get to sit and discuss with him. wow...

as for my tutors, i haven't had enough interaction with them to pass on my full-scale comments, but there is frith, who i believe i have mentioned, a nice old man with a sense of humour (yay!) who told me to watch 'south american telenovelas' and 'ugly betty' to get ideas for my writing. 'don't be afraid of the corny things,' said he. 'sometimes they offer the best ideas.' val dodd is my tutor for austen, and i've heard some amazing things about her from every USF student who's taken her course, so i'm not too frightened. then we have cross, who wears suspenders and a bow tie and cufflinks, and has got the biggest blue eyes i've seen in my life. he's also just shy of brilliant and speaks in this rapid quick english voice -- not good when i'm trying to wrap my brain around aquinas. but he's absolutely hilarious, so that should make philosophy a little less horrifying and frightening.

i get up in the morning around 8 so that i can be at breakfast when it starts, at 8:30. we'll see how long this routine lasts. from there, i come back to the room and putter about. we've had 9:30 lectures for the past week, but now that those are all over, we'll have to see what becomes of my schedule. val is off in the library studying, and i know that i shall have to find a wee spot of my own. for now, though, the room is a nice, cozy place, particularly while the weather is stormy and a bit unforgiving. a nap, however, i think is on the horizon, as is more writing and studying. i think i will take lunch out, today, perhaps find a quiet cafe where i can get some tea and a sandwich and try my hand at some writing or reading. maybe later i'll iron some of my clothes so that i have things to wear tomorrow and on the weekend. i'd love to do some shopping, but i'm trying to cap the spending so i do not become an impecunious pauper. today, though, will probably be an inside-day, full of more reading and studying and writing and listening to music and relaxing... relaxing is a very good thing. and then, perhaps, i'll go out one of these nights. or something like that.

for now, then, that is all. hopefully photos will make it up sometime soon. oh, and that 'tower of london' bit. indeed. well, i am off to turn in my dirty linen and to (finally) get sheets. yay! off i go...

photos. at least a few.

2007-01-10T20:56:00.000Z

ah, now then. i thought i would take a moment to post up at least a few photos of a walk i took yesterday down high street, along with queen street, and a photo or two, i think, from cornmarket street, which are all situated right by st. michael's hall. nothing is labelled, for i really didn't take the time to get the names of all the places that i was passing, but thought i would offer just a few snapshots of what the sights are like here. enjoy; more shall follow, including some shots from this past sunday's tower of london trip.

aaaah! i need a drink...

2007-01-10T17:20:00.000Z

so i just finished my first seminar and i am officially ready to have a breakdown/freak out. i'm taking "seminar 19: christian scholasticism and thomas aquinas." wasn't my first choice; only taking it 'cause i've got to finish up the silly medieval philosophy requirement and, well, this was the only course around that could do it. well, the only seminar, that is, and i really had no wish to take a tutorial where it would be just me and my tutor, blabbing about philosophy for an hour. hah, right. but i digress. walked into my class with my classmate, bo.... who turns out to be my only classmate. our prof is quite entertaining and the like, but this is philosophy, and this is scary stuff. the first question: 'so what do you know about aquinas?' ... blank stare from me. 'um... nothing.' the second question: 'so what do you know about aquinas' life? pool your thoughts between the two of you.' hah. yeah. right. 'and what do you know about the summa theologicae?' uh.... 'right, then. well, let's take a look at the first question, shall we? his first question should call to mind some aristotle... jamila, you've read the metaphysics. can you tell me about them?' 'uh... uh.... actually, it's been about a year and a half since i've read those....' um, right. so it was more or less bo and our prof discussing all of this lovely business and me furiously scribbling notes. though towards the end i suppose it got a wee bit better when we did our line-by-line analysis of the work... but still. sigh. not an auspicious start.

i suppose, though, that i am being overly difficult upon myself. in my defence, it has been over 2 semesters since i last took philosophy; make that ancient philosophy, spring 2005 with walsh. take that back; it's been practically 2 years, and i'm not a philosophy major. philosophy courses require a very deliberate sort of mindset and the like, and while i can sit and analyzes positions of power and, i dunno, systems of oppression, discussing whether or not the existence of god is self-evident really hasn't been a priority. so, to rectify my ignorance (which i'm vaguely ashamed of; 12-odd years of catholic education and i can't offer a word of knowledge on the great figure of st. thomas aquinas), i have requested 3 secondary sources on aquinas, and that shall be my weekend ready. jolly-o. but i do think i need a drink. perhaps a glass of wine. we shall see.

on the upside, i've finished northanger abbey and now i have the task of composing a 2000 word essay devoted to arguing whether or not the novel is "purely a satire on the Gothic novel." again, quite lovely, although a bit of an unimaginative topic. it's okay... i've flagged and taken notes and the like, so i'm sure that i can compose something. it does feel a bit rote, so i shall do my best to insert what i can, where i can. once that is complete, i can launch into boccaccio's the decameron and start thinking about my own tale. none of this is due until friday, however, so maybe i might put it aside for a wee bit and focus on dear ol' aquinas. once again, we shall see.

dinner starts soon and i suppose i'm hungry -- all that brain power and the like. maybe i'll change before i go out. it was sunny today, with blue skies, but i didn't go out like a silly little girl. i thought i would finish reading instead. duty over pleasure, of course. hopefully tomorrow will be just as fine. i have nothing to do tomorrow; no classes, no tutorials, no seminars. however, i have learned that the sociology department is running a lecture series this term, the first entitled, "asynchonicity within dual earner couples: an unequal and negative externality for family time," and to be given this coming sunday, so i'm quite excited about that. the one that i really want to hear, however, is given during third week: division of domestic labor and women's human capital." so, therefore, it seems as though i shall be able to get my fix of sociology while still remaining faithful to my philosophy and literature and the like. loveliness, completely. and then, hopefully, by the weekend i can get out of this room and venture forth into town, perhaps get into a wee bit of a trouble (a wee bit of trouble, so don't fear. knowing me, this would mean finding the museum of modern art or some other such nonsense, or perhaps throwing a frisbee about university parks). anyway. i think i hear people going to dinner, so i think that i shall go forth myself to see what sort of masterpiece (*cough cough*) the lovely dining hall establishment has thrown together. until anon....

and so it begins...

2007-01-09T10:23:00.000Z

and here i am on the first day of classes. i finally did it. i've been thinking and dreaming and wondering and imagining what it would be like to sing again, what it would be like to perform in an ensemble, and i told myself when i was up at 5 a.m. yesterday morning that, yes, i was going to find a way to do it. i did a lot of thinking yesterday morning at 5 a.m. woke up 'cause i had to use the bathroom and then when i got to bed, decided that it would be far more fun to listen to music and chill, as the alarm would be going off at 7:30 anyway, and so i put on my awesome mix and just laid around and thought.... thought about everything that's happened and everything that lies ahead. and i was thinking about how this is a life-changing experience and the like, but 'twill only be life-changing if i make it so. and then i started thinking about how while i'm here, for the next four and a half months, i want to do everything that i've always wanted to do but never had the opportunity or the time or the chance to do. i want to go to plays, and go to art exhibits, and go to galleries and lectures. i want to hear classical ensembles play and attend lectures. i want to visit huge mansions that are hundreds of years old. i want to get dressed up and go dancing and flirt wildly with silly british boys. most of all, though, i want to write. i want to research. i want to read. and, god almighty, i want to sing.

so i obsessed over life last night and managed to dredge myself into the a mire of my own making, mostly because i was completely exhausted and therefore all my thoughts took a slightly depressing, morbid bent (thanks to all who helped yank me out of it). what i did do, though, is email the head music tutor and ask for an audition.... and this morning I got a response back saying that they will schedule one with me. egads!!! but i did it, and now i'm one step closer to my dream. and yeah. that actually makes me very, very happy.

this morning i had my first initial meeting with my tutor, dr frith, for my narrative class. i'm really excited about it. my first week's assignment is to read a tale from the decameron, offer a one-page analysis of the plot structure. then i am to write my own modern-day tale in boccaccio's style, using a similar structure for my plot. finally, and as always, i get to write a piece of my own. i've got to go through my archives and see what i can dredge up to bring by to him. i'll probably pick a couple of super-short pieces; my myth, perhaps, and maybe that super-short character sketch i wrote in junior year for fontaine's class. and, maybe perhaps i'll be able to find something that i've done in college. dunno. so much of it has been joint writing, and so much of it is super personal.... but we'll see.

the tower of london trip was on sunday and i feel a little lame for not posting anything up, but hey, i've been tired and busy. but i'll try and write a bit of something out, and to post some photos. photos are sorely lacking as i've been too lazy to upload and resize pics.

for now, i think i'm going to cut it short and grab some water. the only drinkable water is upstairs in the kitchen, as the water in the bathrooms and in the sinks in our bedrooms have been softened; can't quite remember the reason why. i have my first lecture for the integral course today at 2:30 from dr crowe entitled, "the renaissance: art, philosophy, and the dignity of man." sounds like a blast. then we're all running to the bodleian library (easily the most amazing looking place on earth) where we shall be sworn in as readers. i'm free for the rest of the day, which is still bizarre to me, so i dunno. i'm thinking that a walk before lunch and a walk after the bodleian would be nice. i'm feeling a bit more rested, so maybe we might even venture out for the evening. who knows? all of this freedom is vaguely weird, but i s'pose i shouldn't get too used to it. the reading load is going to be extensive, and i've got a book to read before my colloquium next week. oh! school supplies. hmm. perhaps i'll go off and buy a few of those. right-o. cheerio, darlings! leave me a comment or two and i shall return the favor...

here i am.

2007-01-07T07:01:00.000Z

mwah... and so, here i am. i have arrived. it is early on sunday morning, 7:01 to be precise, and i am sitting in the freezing cold computer room at CMRS because my laptop has decided to malfunction. alas. i should perhaps be easier on the device; it can't be easy converting volts of energy and such. only everyone else seems to have electronic devices that function, so it seems slightly unfair that mine do not. but i digress.

i arrived on friday afternoon, a little after one. a blow-by-blow description of the journey shall be spared the reader; let us just say that it was quiet and uneventful for the most part, save for all sorts of internal fears and worries and anxieties, and suitcases that were heavier than any human being should ever have to carry. but little of that matters now (though i am still sore from my "wee house on wheels," as senior tutor dr. philpott has termed them). i am here, i am settled, i am safe and relatively happy. yesterday was the first of our orientation stuff: information on using the library here (made me insanely excited like the nerd that i am -- i want classes to start!), along with information on the computer room (which i am coming to appreciate with every passing moment that i sit here), and then a bit of a walking tour. this city is amazing. don't know where to start with it. it seems so quiet and quaint and ancient, so antique-like and unassuming, though philpott assures us -- and warns us -- that it is a large city with all of a city's problems: homelessness, poverty and the like, which intrigues me as a sociology major and a san francisco native. curious too was the admonition to not give money to panhandlers on the street; the UK has a good social service welfare state, philpott informed us, and apparently those who live on the streets here in oxford really are drunks and drug dealers, and may give us a difficult time. fair enough. won't argue with that wisdom. but, however, i will say that i did notice a bit of wealth/class difference, just from the bus ride into town. granted, i was on the edge of my seat with frantic worry that i'd miss my stop (wasn't just the fact that he was English, it was the fact that he couldn't bloody enunciate; even the two old british ladies sitting across from me couldn't understand a word), but i did note that the style of homes and such seemed to go up as we got into the city centre, where i am located. 'twill be something to explore during my next weeks here; there's an oxfam down the block, and i'm kicking around the idea of doing some volunteer hours, if only to see what service opportunities are like, to learn a bit more about the city, and to find out about its people. and, dunno, maybe it's because i'm a soc major and because i work of a service-learning centre, but i do feel a trifle uncomfortable with the power dynamic that i represent: middle-class American with the means to study at Oxford, one of the premier institutions of higher learning in the world. it's a strange thing, having nationality to contend with now in my lens of intersectionality -- as if i didn't have enough to think of, lol. but that is a discussion best saved for another time.

my first day here was an absolute blur; i was too exhausted, really, to form a decent sentence, let alone retain information (although i do remember a surprising amount about that homelessness discussion...). the next day, saturday, was a bit easier. i slept a full 12 hours (when do i ever do that?) and then went downstairs to grab a bite to eat from a bakery across the way with my roomie, Val. then, we came back in for our first round of orientation things. the walking tour, though, was the highlight, because we wandered around a bit, browsed through shops, stopped in for a sandwich, and then went off to buy a few groceries and much needed items. until the oxford term starts (in a week or 2, i believe), we're on our own for meals on weekends, so we stocked up on the essentials: bread and pb&j and tuna, spinach and tomatoes and such. i'll probably venture out again sometime today so i can grab a few extra things, though i'll have to take care to do it early: everything closes around 5 on Sundays. but then we found a lovely store called primark where everything is super cheap and inexpensive, though cute (thank god, 'cause this exchange rate is gonna KILL me), and i also bought myself a snazzy new teapot, the first of my room decorations (£5, too. a steal, 'cause it was originally £22.). ah, yes, the room! it's long, i suppose you could say. my bed, nightstand, and closet are on one end, and then it stretches out. Val's closet is at the foot of my bed, and in turn, her bed is on the other side of her closet. Across from her bed is my desk and a sink; at the end of the room is her desk and a window that looks out onto the street. it's not bad, really, but we each have these hideous corkboards that must be decorated soon or else i shall perish. but there is a fabric store, like, around the corner (literally. everything is so close), and they're having a sale, so once i get some time on my hands, i'll be off to browse. perhaps i'll go early this morning...

today is our first field trip to the tower of london. we leave at 10:45, but before we go, i need to run to curry's digital (where apparently they don't train their saturday staff; wish someone had told me that before i bought the wrong adaptor) to return my merchandise, then i need to run over to the westgate shopping centre because i saw a computer store inside and i still need an ethernet cable, even if my laptop isn't running (one can hope and wish and dream, right?).... and then it is back home to have a spot of breakfast (although i might go looking for tea at the market) and to dress before we head to london. whee. i should write all of this down so i don't forget...

tomorrow will be our first lecture for the integral course -- something about philosophy and art and the dignity of man, which sounds terribly intriguing (really. no joke. this stuff totally makes me happy), and then our first seminar... and then we also will have an orientation at st. peter's so we can learn about their facilities and the like. sigh. i should get going so i can.... obsess over my laptop a wee more or something of the sort. i wonder what time the stores open...

hopefully the next time i post, i'll be doing so from the (warmth) and comfort of my room. sigh. everyone, cross your fingers for me!

to a rocket i've been tied/i'm ready for that screamin' ride...

2007-01-03T01:57:00.000Z

barely even two days left before i leave home for god know's what, and i'm in my room packing. i've been blissfully trying to ignore most everything still left to do to prepare, but... sigh. five o'clock came and i figured i should start doing something, so here i am, putting all of my coats into my borrowed suitcase from my grandfather and wondering if everything will fit. and as i'm sitting and folding, pulling sweaters and shirts and such from the clean clothes basket that i've finally fished out of the garage after a week of sitting in there, big and rich pop up onto my itunes and start blaring their country loveliness. only today there are no twanging fiddles and proclaimations to 'save a horse, ride a cowboy.' no, at this moment 'leap of faith' pops up, and now i can't stop listening to it because it's so bloody perfect. let's start a bit of a line-by-line analysis.

i put myself on a limb
and i feel it giving way from the weight of the rain.
if i break or i bend
i get myself together again
put my face to the wind

(i am sitting in a precarious position, preparing for a situation and an experience that i know virtually nothing about. i am walking straight into a black hole, it seems; i may succeed or i may fail, but either way, i'm diving into it head-on)

it might be a long, long way
to my golden day
that's a chance i'm willing to take
there's no chain, no cage
that i won't break
in this long, long leap of faith

(hard work and difficult times may lay ahead of me but there is truly nothing that can hold me back from achieving success because i will fight my way to get to it. and there's no way that any one can try and cage me in their little boxes, because no matter what, i will prove them wrong)

i close my eyes
and i walk right to the edge
throw my hands to the sky
oh, and i'm not afraid
i'm not afraid to live this life
through my dreaming eyes

(my dreams are everything. i have dreamt of this trip for years now, literally. as soon as i was accepted to usf i started sketching out a tentative schedule of courses to make sure that i would have at least a semester set aside to run the english countryside... and here i am, practicall there)

it might be a long, long way
to my golden day
that's a chance i'm willing to take
there's no chain, no cage
that i won't break
in this long, long leap of faith

to a rocket i've been tied
i'm ready for that screamin' ride
it's full of fuel but i've just lit the fuse
i'm a ragin', burnin' ring of fire
and i get hotter as i get higher
and i'm tearin' a hole right through the sky of blue

(and here john and kenny move me to tears with their impassioned fervor. i'm getting ready to take off on a rocket that might explode with me on the back of it, but baby, i am going to fly far and fly high, 'cause that's just my way...)

(cue screaming electric guitars and a bit of twanginess)

no, there's no chain, no cage
that i won't break
in this long, long leap of faith
in this long, long leap of faith

to a rocket i've been tied
i'm ready for that screamin' ride
it's full of fuel but i've just lit the fuse
i'm a ragin' burnin' ring of fire
and i get hotter as i get higher
and i'm tearin' a hole right through the sky of blue

(bridge repeat. really awesome backing vocals from john rich and harmonies so gorgeous between john kenny and big rich that it brings tears to my eyes....)

sigh. and there is a wee bit of an introduction to the world of big and rich. but, far more seriously is the fact that, yes, on thursday morning i am going to be gone, out of this stratosphere, jetting my way to minneapolis-st. paul and then onward to london gatwick. at the moment i'm bouncing between apathy and excitement. it's this sort of apathy with a bit of subtle interest laced through it: "oh. oxford? hmm, how interesting. perhaps i'll go shopping tomorrow for a turtleneck or two." or, on the other extreme, there's this fascination, this hunger and need to learn and see and observe: "the tate modern! classical concerts! elizabethan music! shakespeare's globe theatre! big ben and the tower of london and the harry potter dining hall!" and then, far in the recesses of my mind, in a dark corner that i'm trying my hardest to not even think of, is the fear and the sadness and the anxiety, the well-spring of emotions that fill me when i gaze at my beautiful grey and white cat, curled asleep peacefully on my bed, or when i go into the family room to see the 'rents watching tv, or when i run upstairs to chat with my sister, or when i simply sit in my room and just think. i have never left my home, my cocoon, my little safety net of pacifica and my parents' loving arms. and i know that even though i'm gone, their love and such will still be with me, but still. i mean, i've been sick for over two weeks, and i'm just now getting better, but if it happens again while i'm away, who will be there to care for me? who will be there to bring me chicken soup in bed, or to cook me up some awesome asian egg drop soup with prawns and chinese greens, or to double-check that i'm taking my medication and to run out to the store, unexpectedly, and buy me my much needed sudafed? and in the end, i know that i need to know that i'll be able to care for myself, and to know that there will be people there watching out for me, and that i am not truly alone or even on my own. and that, i think, makes me feel a little better. of course, i'm the girl who's suddenly all into the idea of going to the east coast for graduate school, and, well... maybe it's time for me to learn how to spread my wings and gain a wee bit more independence than i'm used to.

coats and jackets have been packed in the suitcase. check. i just threw in my folded stacks of sweaters, trousers, jeans, tees, and pj bottoms, just for kicks, and tried to lift the suitcase. just as i suspected. completely impossible, and clearly weighing more than fifty pounds. alas. now i must find new ways to pack my essentials and still make it to london without incurring those ugly overweight shipping fees. should be a joyous exercise, full of loads of laughs. arrrgh.... still so much left to do: money to be exchanged, things to be returned, shoes to be repaired, books to return to the USF library (ooops), thank you letters to write, oh, and a family to spend some last minute bonding time with. wow. that's... that's a lot. sigh. perhaps i should get started...

some photos from the going away party...

2006-12-24T20:40:00.000Z

so on friday, chris and ac and ataly-nay and i got together for the last time this year for some dinner at the cheesecake factory downtown and a bit of holiday cheer (yay! gift-exchange!). we were planning to do some shopping, but alas, we were far too tired after dinner. but we had a good time trading tales and reminiscing about elementaryschool, as well as laughing hysterically at the latest JT venture ("it's my d*ck in a box!"), and later on going back to my house to open presents. the evening was filled with holiday cheer, and 'twas lovely to see my oldest, nearest, and dearest friends around. sigh. 11 days till i'm gone....

two weeks. egads!!!!!

2006-12-22T00:39:00.000Z

oh, goodness me... in exactly two weeks, i'll be sitting on a northwest flight, bound for oxford and a whole new way of life for almost five months. i really don't know what to do with information like that. it's sort of unreal, almost dream-like. i get the feeling that it will be one of those things that i won't really understand or be able to conceptualize until, like, the night before. then the terrors and panic attacks will begin. for the moment, it's sort of fun. you know, an excuse to go shopping for pretty sweaters and warm, fuzzy socks, an excuse to stock up on perfume and lotion and body wash, to get my parents to buy me stationery and post-its.... sigh.

today was my last day at work, and, therefore, my last day on the USF campus. i think leaving the office today was the hardest thing i've done in a while. classes are one thing -- there will be classrooms and papers and essays and presentations to give in oxford, and while i won't be sitting in the school of ed or cowell hall or lone mountain, i'll still have a place where i can exercise my brain, where i can debate and think and research. but this... wow. work has become such a part of me. i guess that's just who i am -- every job that i've ever held, i've picked because it melds with who i am. i could never do some sort of idiot job, pushing papers or processing data or making useless copies. that could never be me. i have to do a job that i can feel passionate about; i have to be able to do things that speak to my soul. it's the closest i'll be able to get to my 'species being,' i suppose, if we want to be marxist about it all (hah, if you want the 411 on marx and the species being, just ask. it's sort of poetic), but.... egads. so i guess i'll start at the beginning of my day.

i've been sick since sunday, but ever since i got a hold of that awesome sudafed nasal decongestant tuesday afternoon (thanks to my awesome dad), i feel like i've been on the mend. but yesterday i think i sort of pushed it a little, running around downtown sf and doing my christmas shopping, so i was super worn out when i got home last night. i woke up this morning dragging and super-tired, but it was lovely to get dressed, as i had a brand-new outfit (my pretty black high-waisted velvet skirt with suspenders from the anthropologie in DC, along with my new black turtleneck with the "puffed" sleeves, with my pretty guatamalen purple wrap over it to ward off the winter chill). it wasn't till we were pulling away from the house, though, that my mother informed me that (yikes!) rain was in the forecast. lovely. as i had no umbrella, there went my shopping plans. somewhere along the way, i realized that this was going to be my last commute, and so the object of the day became memorizing as much as possible about the adventure that is my morning ride to work. i shall try and transcribe a bit of what i see, so i can keep it in my memory while i'm gone....

mom dropped me off at the south san francisco bart station, where i always used to hop the train back in freshman year. it's one of the new stations, incidentally across the street from chris's house, and i love it around the morning commute time. everyone stands around in their business best, ipods and newspapers and briefcases in hand. this morning it was all about winter attire: scarves and hats and overcoats and umbrellas... i missed the 8:34 train (sad that i know them all by times) but i hopped the 8:39 instead, which was lovely, as there was hardly anyone on it, and so i got a windowseat. didn't have a book to keep me company on this ride, as i left in the office the afternoon before (the mists of avalon by marion zimmer bradley is the current re-read. it's a cumbersome sucker, almost 1000 pages long, and i figured i'd better not drag it along with me on my christmas shopping expedition), so i contented myself with memorizing the landscape instead. so much to think of... the trees and such visible around the colma station... the century theaters, restaurants, highway 280, in-n-out, golf course country club, and buildings and homes and businesses from the daly city station.... and then through tunnels to balboa park, and i can see the highway once again, and the exit for my grandmother's house... and then back through the tunnels again, where we stay for the duration of the trip. it was raining this morning and i didn't want to run the streets in the rain without a coat or an umbrella, so i got off at powell street station. it was relatively calm at 9:15 in the morning, but the mall was opening and the vibe of last-minute shopping was in the air. coming up from the escalator i could see the same tree that always stands there, but today it was the personification of winter -- a few dead, dry brown leaves clinging to its barren branches. thankfully, i only had to wait a few minutes for the 5 (how i will miss that bus!!!!), and then it was time for that last trek. i love the trip up the 5. we cut through the tenderloin, which always makes me sad, especially when it rains -- it's really hard to look at people who have to live on the streets -- and then past civic center, which always looks amazing and beautiful, and then down mccallister, past all of my favorite victorian houses. then it curves up fulton, and there up ahead is st. ignatius church. i love that place so much. the spires can be seen literally from every point in the city, and it's absolutely breath-taking.

got off the bus around fulton and clayton this time and trekked up in the rain to the university center, which has been my home for the past year. it's so bizarre to be on-campus when everyone is gone. this week, i think, is worse than the summer, because all the students have moved out, the dorms are closed, and even the cafeteria is totally shut down. but i took the elevator up to my office, my tiny little cubby that i've come to know and love, dropped my things, made some tea, surfed the 'net, took care of work.... everyone was around today, and i loved it. all cozy and warm, just like family, just like home. egads. i'm going to miss everyone so much, so if you're reading, you all must send emails. no excuses. far too soon my 6 hours were up and i was back in the car, cutting through golden gate park (the park! the park! how i will miss it... no more de young museum, no more crazy joggers, no more police on horseback, no more stow lake or bison or pretty waterfalls....) to get to 19th, and far too soon i was back home, here, cuddled up with a blanket 'cause it's freezing and my laptop. and now here i am, thinking about this past semester and all that i've learned, and peeking forward to my future. i don't know what's going to happen. i don't know what will become of me (hah. so melodramatic). all i know is that i want to have adventure, to meet the locals, to immerse myself as fully in british culture as possible. i don't want to stay in my comfort zone among the americans. i want to venture out, to truly see the society, to use my handy little sociological imagination and learn as much as i can.

so what's left? tomorrow the good shepherd crowd and i are getting together for some shopping downtown (h&m here we come!) and then late lunch at the cheesecake factory, one of those things that we've always talked about but never done. and we're having our christmas gift exchange, which i'm super excited about, as i've gotten everyone super cute gifts. and then it'll be christmas, and the grandfather is coming, and everything will be all warm and cozy. i've got christmas breakfast all planned: bacon, sausage, my famous scrambled eggs (complete with sauteed mushrooms and tomatoes and spices and cheese), and the crowning glory: gingerbread waffles, courtesy of williams-sonoma. ah, yes, i am excited. and then we'll all head over to the other grandparents' house for the annual gift exchange, and 'twill be lovely. sigh. and along the way i'll see the mercy crew and do my last-minute shopping for warm things, and figure out some way to pack my entire life into two checked bags, 1 carry-on, and 1 personal item. it's sort of like that darren hayes song: "everything i am has been neatly contained into/the contents of a samsonite bag/me, a laptop, 2 suitcases..." that will literally be me. sigh. i am up for the challenge. for the moment, actually, i'm strangely calm about the whole business. bizarre. but the last of my paperwork has been received, my financial aid is finally together, and everyone knows that i'm going. the only thing left is to purchase my travel insurance, which will happen sometime soon. not worried about it. and now.... wow. the fun stuff. packing. buying new things. making lists. wow. 2 weeks. now all i have to do is make the most of them.

reflections, part i.

2006-11-09T02:17:00.000Z

sigh. at last, i feel like the dust has settled and i can finally get around to jotting down some thoughts and ideas about my time in west point. i've finally unpacked my suitcase (only to pack another one for tomorrow's trip to DC, but that is subject matter for another post) and put away my things. anyway, it's wednesday evening, and i'm waiting around for a lecture for class. i got back home last thursday around 1 o'clock, and i don't think i've eve been happier to see the glimmering bay, the brown san bruno mountains... you get the picture. the national conference on ethics in america was an amazing experience, one that has broadened my horizons and exposed me to so much more than i would have ever guessed. i s'pose i'll start recounting from the beginning...

it took me forever to pack. i had my mom's really pretty brown suitcase and somehow managed to stuff it to the brim. putting dress codes on a four-day conference never makes things very easy, because not only did i have to find business casual wear, but i also had to pull together stuff for my "off" time, stuff for sleeping, and stuff for the nyc trip. anyway, i finally managed to get everything into the one bag and went to sleep after a minor disaster of buying a defective flat iron and realizing that i would have to go curly for the next week (really. it was a disatrous thing. no joke). i was totally worn out, and i hadn't even left yet. that saturday, oct. 28th, was the day of the NSCS first official PFCS mentoring event (that i was organizing), and while it was amazing fun, it was also totally draining. i spent two hours literally RUNNING around the mission, tracking down "clues" with my 8th grade buddy for the 7 Tepees version of "the amazin' race" (the G omitted as to not infringe upon copyrights). then i spent a good 40 minutes waiting for the bus, another 30 minutes on the bus, 15 minutes walking from the haight back to campus, 20 minutes on campus waiting to get picked up... meanwhile my body is sore and aching and throbbing... and then my mom and i run down to the rack for some *quick* errands. managed to pick up some last minute things (a really fuzzy, really warm bathrobe -- yay!), but the mother was occupied for a good two hours or so, meaning that i sat in the car for a while. so i sat. and sat. and sat. tried to sleep. got really hungry. went to trader joes, bought some dinner... then finally drove down to ulta for that defective flat iron... and then came home to pack. anyway, where i was going with this was that, yeah, i was bloody worn out and the trip hadn't even started. alas. so i slept and woke up the next morning, said good-bye to my cat and my stuffed dog and my bedroom... and my sister and my mom and my dad.... and headed off to the airport.

when i reached my terminal, it turned out that my flight had been delayed an hour and fifteen minutes -- 40 mph winds around newark airport were apparently the cause. so, i wandered down to a cozy looking restaurant (the buena vista -- quite nice) and sat down. breakfast for the morning (as i was in the mood to splurge) was a dungeness crab omelette with some much-needed tea (quelled my splitting migraine, thank god) and a biscuit. once i relaxed some and ate my fill, i headed down for the bookstore and absolutely fell in love. somehow managed to escape buying only 2 books, and headed back to the terminal to wait.

by the time i got back, i fell into my book (codex, which, apart from the super anti-climatic ending, was pretty darn good), and time flew by. i boarded, and who should be sitting next to me but the other usf delegate, paul? paul, incidentally, is a fellow member of sii who i met as a freshman, and, fantastically enough, still remembered me. we chatted for a while about oxford and all the amazing things europe has to offer, then went back to our reading. the flight was pretty uneventful, aside from a really yummy snackbox (i'm a simple creature) and the in-flight showing of the devil wears prada. finally, we were at newark airport, and it was off to retrieve our luggage and answer the question that had been nagging us the entire way -- would there be someone there to meet us?

we headed down to the luggage area and had a time wandering around the carousels, trying to find the right one (is it me, or is it just common-bloody-sense to have a SIGN up that states which flight belongs to which carousel? ugh. ineptitude. can't stand it). we finally found the carousel and got our luggage, which solved our first, more pressing, problem, but not our second. so we were standing there, staring around like idiots. west point? cadets? ncea conference? usf? no signs, no obvious military folks, nothing. so we went outside and contemplated. can't call usf, 'cause it's sunday night and no one's there. at last, it was resolved that we would call west point (as i quite brilliantly brought along my handy-dandy FAQs sheet)... only the numbers printed on there were outdated. uh-oh. messages increasing in anxiety and irritation were then left on some LTC's cell phone without any response. at last, success! my cell phone rang with a very courteous cadet on the other end -- are you here yet? can you come to the american terminal? yes, check on all the above! saved, paul and i trundled inside, where we found 2 cadets dressed in their "greys," the ultra-formal USMA uniform. 1 nice boy escorted us to the waiting bus, and at last we were out of the cold. hungry, yes, and tired, to be sure, but we were there. the only question left was 'what the hell have we gotten ourselves into?!'

the bus ride was long, particularly 'cause i was tired and hungry. we finally made it to the school, but it was dark, and all i could make out were tall stone buildings and things that looked old -- always a good sign. after i inhaled part of a subway sandwich, i got handed off to my host, maria, and it was off to the barracks.

her room really wasn't too terrible. it was a good size, with two small beds (mattresses aren't terribly comfortable), two desks, a closet, and a changing space. oh, and a sink. that was nifty. i got settled in and took a shower (the FAQs said 'open showers;' we, thank god, had flimsy curtains, which weren't much but were definitely more than i was expecting). then, i watched the end of desperate housewives and willed myself to stay awake... going to bed before 10 somehow seemed super lame. found out that i had to be up the next morning in time for formation (650.... what?!), so the alarm was set for 6 and we all at last went to sleep. my first night in west point.

the next morning was interesting. staggered out of bed, popped in my contacts, found something to wear, brushed my teeth, put on makeup, and ventured out into the chilly october air for formation. each company lines up all nice and neat, gets greeted by their person in charge... announcements are read, poses are struck, marching is done, and at last all 4,000 cadets stream into the mess hall for a quickie breakfast. maria got to sit with her soccer team, so there i was, sitting with the west point women's soccer team as they sat and discussed their weekend, their boyfriends, their plans, their schoolwork, just like any other college students. then, after about 15 minutes, we were out of there and all the conference delegates lined up on the steps. i was rocking the curly look that day and it turned out pretty darn cute, if i do say so myself. met a couple of guys from eastern kentucky university, then walked down with the masses to eisenhower hall, whcih would be our little home for conference sessions for the next few days. we had a plenary lecture first off -- a motivational speaker who discussed choices and ethics and the like, and then we were greeted by the commandant, who was a pretty awesome guy who made the assertion that because of the human rights violations occuring in iraq, including one abu ghraib incident and one tigris river incident, we were single-handedly upping the number of suicide jihadists. muy interesante, said i. out the window behind him, unfortunately or fortunately, whichever your opinion, was the world's most amazing view of the hudson river. it was right there, all shining and glimmering, and across it were gorgeous fall trees and big ol' houses, nestled into the brush. so beautiful, so magical, so gorgeous, unlike anything i've ever seen. i picked out my house, a wide, expansive one with acres of land up in the hills... sigh. i'd love to go back to that area one of these days...

after that, we were all broken up into our small groups. mine was really interesting -- students from the naval academy, the marine maritime academy, the citadel, west point, vanderbilt, reed college, brigham young university,st. thomas (or was it st. johns? hmm. it was a catholic school in texas somewhere...) and arizona state. together, we made up a super eclectic group of public and private, super-larger and super-small, religious-affiliated and not, civilian and military. the diversity of institutions came in handy because we were discussing honor codes and honor boards, student-run judicial boards, and other interesting things that i never knew existed. it was a little off-putting at first -- honor code? what? all i know is that we're about "educating hearts and minds to change the world," but it was definitely a learning experience. by the time lunch came around, i was wiped out, particularly since we had been working since 8. the week that we were there, the air force was slated to play against the army for the commander-in-chief cup (ah, football), and so the first of the air force's demonstrations were set for noon. about four or five jets zoomed overhead, and it was just gorgeous -- the planes against the blue afternoon sky.... then, everyone arranged in formation again, did pushups, marched a bit, and it was time to flood the mess hall once more.

post-lunch had us back down in ike for another plenary speaker and more group work. a lot went on, stuff that i don't really remember any more, but it was all interesting and fasincating. i hung out with charlie, a guy from asu, over lunch and met a couple of cadets from the air force academy. we shared stories about high school, and interestingly enough, one of the air force guys, joey, found my tales of servant stairs and senior stairs, "freshman welcome week" and the like to be sort of similar to the way new cadets are treated at the air force academy. anyway, small group work happened, and.... oh, right. free time. i went back to the room, checked my email, took care of a few things, and changed. then, we all went down to the firsties' club for some pizza.

the firsties' club, or the 1st class club, as its really named, is the campus "spot" for the seniors (also known as firsties. you get it.). it's a really nice place, with booths and tables and chairs, a room with a jukebox and a pool table and a foosball table and a flowing bar (apparenty the prices were pretty good, too). there was a DJ spinning chamillionare in the front and folks blaring country from the jukebox in back; folks were socializing and having a high old awesome time, the beer was flowing liberally (only for those with the happy faces stamped onto their cards, of course; the millitary is strict on carding), the football game was on... and i was totally wiped out. super sad. ended up sitting with a group of people i didn't know, and it was one of those 'awkward silence' sort of dinners. 'so, what school are you from?' ... long pauses.... 'this conference sure is interesting.' ....yet another pause..... 'so, uh, what's your major?' eventually, though, maria rescued me and we went back up to the room, where i showered (everyone was at the firsties club so the bathroom was empty. yippee!) and collapsed into bed. end of day one; the second night at west point.

home at last.

2006-11-03T02:59:00.000Z

i suppose it's silly to start drafting a blog after a trip has been completed, but what can i say -- lack of internet access is most likely my only defense. but i shall try as i might to start the narrative of my west point visit, the experience it afforded me, the lessons i learned, the fantastic fun i had, and what i've brought back with me. alas, i have a meeting to attend, so my ramblings and musings shall have to wait...